Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh noooooooooooooooooooooo,another friend say i'm fat and getting fatter.oh man!!!
constantly getting such remarks,gosh thanks guys.
I'll go on diet alright,i've been trying,i lost and gain back again.ehhehehe.

Now i've not been eating much,then what more i should do?Well maybe on chocolates and my snacking.Fast food too especially.but i only eat once in awhile.

What is the thing that making me fat man.so confusing,finding the source,soon to discover and i will share it here.

for now i got to go back to sleep before baby scold me.

bye my lovelies.

At the end of a long days and hours thinking through upon the decision i going to decide,i decided to stay even though i insist of quitting the job.

Why i want to quit my current job?
Why did i chose to stay?

Two question i kept receiving from my friends.
Let me answer,
1st) i want to quit this job because
i had enough with unnecessary gossips and comment made.But what the management,bf and friends say is true,everywhere and anywhere,there sure this type of people.we can't stop what they want to say but we can just ignore.

2nd) it's because i thought i had very less time to spend for my parent and friends and boyfriends.

3rd) i got sick of doing the same old thing again and again and again,nothing seems to be spicing up my day.

Lastly i've been falling sick so frequently.My body getting weaker each day,my mood seems to be loosing everyday.

Next why did i chose to stay.
1st) Friends i made there had became part of my life,esp hilmi and kamma.
they always there for me and make me smile and laugh each time i'm down.they slowly had made me realized and understand and seeing things at a different view.
I never had a real true guy friend,and i finally have one.Hilmi is his name.He's always there,taking care of me,being there when i in need,giving a listening ears,make me happy and many many more.He have done so much for me and i'm clueless why is he being extremely nice even though he expect nothing but just a smile on my face.

2ND)The part-timer there are such a cool kids.Casper,Chris,Darren,Clearance,Jocelyn and more.They may be young but frankly they are  such a great kid.Each of them are just so special in their own ways.
I'm sure to miss them if i leave or they leave to start school.

3rd)i just get used and comfortable in working twd.there's no other place that make me feel as confortable as this:)

while waiting for baby to end school,i occupied my time by dl songs after songs after songs for my new baby!!!!
gosh this is my very first time receiving such an expensive gift and thank you so much baby.
i gonna take care of it just like how i take care of you.weeeeeeeeeeeee.
i will name my new born baby, Lil rafee.hehehhehe.

Baby and i gonna head to east coast to blade and have some quality time together.its been awhile man.
i just can't wait for the clock to strike 5.blading across the beach,let me describe the setting and portray the beginning mood,hahahhahah,it's not happening yet but just occupying my time with my wild imagination which begins with the illusion of sweet couple blading and strolling across the beach,taking amazing pictures of them to keep and share with our family and friends and also for ourself

People may say its fast and some may say our relationship are slow but to me it doesn't matter because all that matters is baby still by my side loving me as much as i do.
Still laughing,smiling and crying together.heee:):);)
This relationship has been great and even greater every single obsticle we manage to go through and every single problem and issues we manage to solve together.
Nothing can seperate us apart unless my mouth start to talk nonsense again.hahahha,sometimes i feel like retarded man.hahhaha,talking bullshits which sounded so real but bottom line i didn't even want it but it always come out so furiously.hehehehhe,and now i laughing at myself thinking how pathetic i can be at times.hhehhehe

Baby its our special day,and i wish we gonna enjoy and treasure today just as much we treasure each other.
i love you so much and when i say you're my everything it means you're my everything alright!!!
see you later syg.
muacks!!

i don't really want to blog anything that happenned yesterday.Its just to disastrous to even think about it again.
i want to erase what had happened and pretend as though nothing actually happen.
i hurt my baby enough and from today onwards i made my decision not to drink without baby around.
yesterday i drank 5 mug of weizen.how cool can that be,i didn't know that i could drink that much.
and i know i've went too far to the point i get home drunk for 2 days straight in a row.
I barely could control my words,action and tone.
i'm sorry baby.
and i love you baby.

Definetly gonna change job soon real soon!

oh no,i'm back to my eating habit.
i used to eat 1 meal a day now its 4-5 times more!!oh gosh,i guess i gonna gain back !!
What can i say,i eat 4 times from the moment i woke up till now.
mummy cook extremely two thumbs up dishes for Hari Raya Haji.
Gonna bring some of it to werk to share among my friends at work.
Good food are meant to be shared.

Okay i gonna follow my diet schedule like how i used to!!! 48kg!! i'm coming for youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!

Suddenly the feeling of exhaustion and sadness arouse me,i miss everyone especially the girls,
its been awhile since i hang out with them.Oh my,i should plan something so that all of us get get together again but all of us are busy with our own stuff.
i miss my sisters too.
i miss my boyfriend.
i miss all the fun and laughter that we used to have before all this started.ALL THIS??? work laaaaaaaa.

i gonna work hard this week,and save for 1st and 10Th!!
wah how fast can the time flies,soon it gonna strike 011209.Another amazing month.But sadly it falls on Tuesday,i wonder if baby gonna have his driving lesson on that day.
gosh canttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt waitttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.
i love you baby!!!!!!!

BABY RAFEE!!

His hair looks much neater now------------------------i like:)

His hair gonna look much cooler with his new hair colour which will outstand his naugty image----------------------i like:)

BABY YAYA!!

She gonna have her hair done tmr or the day after tmr----------------------i like:)

The following week she gonna have her hair coloured-------------------------i like:)


Therefore Baby RAFEE&YAYA

They gonna have fresh look,next week------------------------i like:)

Fresh image for his birthday----------------------i like:)

Fresh new couple----------------------------i like:)



Oh my gosh i can't wait!!!

i just got this feeling of quiting and get another interesting job,but i'm lazy to.
i got sick and tired of going to the same place almost 6days a week.
Facing the same old problem,eating the same old thing,doing the regular things.
so sick very sick and tired.
All i know no job can be as chill,easy and fun as this.

that's the reason why,i asked baby to work with me.But because his mum says that if
bf and gf works together at the same place is not a good idea ........
i didn't ask my mum because my mum would be asking me back the same question,"do you think is good?" hahhahha.
Decision still under pending.

The only days which i'm not bored at work is when those times everyone were together and times when
baby come to me bringing me dinner and stuff i craved.The other day i was craving for famous amos and mos burger plus dunhill frost,baby brought all of them for me!!!!!!!!!!!
we may not be a new couple nor a long couple but all i know we still love each other just as much as before.He never stop to make me happy,smile and laugh.
never fail to make me fall for him all over again everyday.
it makes me feel like a princess for ones.heee.
i love it when we had dinner together,days like that are special and i appreciate baby more each time.
thanks baby once again:):):) i sayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag baby.

Later i going back to work again:( week of 7 days,the only 1 day i looked forward is Tuesday or Wednesday.
which is my off day,and on these day i will either spend my day with my baby and only him with nobody else.
unfortunately only for 11 hours,i want more more more because i can never had enough of him
or spend my day with friends or family.


p/s:i want to ride bike to werk:(:(:(

My leg never hurt this bad before.The pain is unbearable.Almost unbearable.
I wonder how am i suppose to walk and work in this condition.
I wouldn't want to think how it happen because its just terrible.And the second hit at the same spot is even much painful than the previous.This is not a fight or what.Chill man,don't be so fanatic minded.hahhaha.

Mum is even worst,out the blue say "moto???!" hahaha,she thought baby have a bike and thats the reason upon the unjury,fall from the bike.hahhah! Baby himself working so hard to get his car licence.Even if i fell from the bike when baby driving,mum would just advise me to take public transport each time if we go out together,bike is the most dangerous vehicles on the road.My family had never allow to get bike licence but my brothers all are just too rebellious to listen.Now each and everyone had their own bike and car licence.They start with a bike and now car.

back to topic,it hurtsssss!!!!!!!
i never would want to play with anyone till so rough.no actually i didn't play rough game with anyone except for nat,i don't even know why we started to play roughly as though i'm a guy and as though i'm his enemy,i hope from today onward,all rough game stops because i don't wanna injured myself more and i must bring my feminine side from now on.well its fun being me but it sucks at some point of time when ppl tend to go over my head with it.

The past 3 days have been super great and fun man.Was out of home for 2 nights,and first night i intended to party at zirca but i change my mind to drink at east coast with Hilmi adel and nat.Freaking fun like hell man.First person down;Siti Yaya.hahahha!! After  so long,i finally get drunk again.
Fun continue till 7am.Then return to Adel's place.

The next day,we= me hilmi azmi siti chris ali nat adel rafee farid,since its our off day we decide to have some fun at Pyramid.hahhaha,i guess we are the only group there laughing from 9 pm till 1.30am non stop hit.hahahha And i return back with a bad tummy ache.

The following day,right after baby finishes his driving lesson,i went to meet up with him.Miss baby so much.I'm touched by his drawing.it look a LITTLE like me.hahahha.My teeth and lips and nose look so weird,hahaha,but from far,yes the drawing does look like me.hahha.how sweet my baby is.
Nowadays i becoming much more comfortable with his mum.hahaha,i love when she laugh.hahah.
She say i am like a small girl.hahhah,just because i write small little notes and many other stuff that i did that make me look like a small girl.its okay,small girl are adorable.hehehe.

sorry for this short and not detailed post,i'm rushing for time.going werk soon.

While i was awake,I've been thinking about how hard my parent have been working to grow 6 very mischievous kids.And everyone have now grown up perfectly fine with complete of everything,shelter,food,gadget,money,clothes and etc.
My mum always there to cheer me up ,make me happy at all time because she knows i in need of their attention and love so she always will try doing every possible ways to make me happy by asking what i want to eat and she will cook for me,or cooking for me my favourite food.Or buy for me my favourite black chocolates.hehhehe.
She always there to protect me when i  being scold by father or being beaten  up by father.She doesn't mind getting hurt than seeing me hurt.
No one can imagine the strength of my father when he gave his flying tight swing,the impact feels like million of needles just pierce through your face.
I've trying to give them less problem but frankly i doesn't know what I've went wrong every time.
My mum knows that i am a good daughter comparing to some girls out there.
I'm just like any young girl always by her boyfriend and girlfriends returning home late almost everyday and smokes,that's all I've done but to father this is among the worst.good enough,i'm not like those girls who drinks,taking drugs,tattoo and piercing.i always try to make my parent happy esp my father but there's nothing i can do to make him happy,good result doesn't make him happy,open all my piercing doesn't make him happy,treating them doesn't make him happy,it seems nothing can make pleased him.

quite convincing.hehhehe.Okay this is my last post,not sleepy just just gonna try to close my eyes and slowly drift myself to sleep.goodnight !

well i can't sleep due to the headache and stomach ache.i guess its due to consuming medicine with empty stomach.gosh its 4 am.okay since i can't sleep,i thought i could do something till i fall asleep,so i decided to watch 2012 documentary,i thought this can make me sleepy but i'm so wrong this scaring me even more instead and making me afraid to sleep because the more i watch it the more i'm starting to believe which believing is wrong,i know. okay,resume.hehehhe.

I love baby as much as i love my mummy,but ofcz this is two different kind of love i'm talking about.whatever it is,i love my baby alot.sometimes when i thought upon my past partner,i find myself doltish to even enter into relationship with them.frankly its "eeeeeeeeeeiw" for some guys not all aite ,as there still a guy that i did fallen in love with.
I'm glad i'm with baby now,a guy that i love and love me as much as i do maybe much more.baby i sayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag you you you and only you!! hhehehe

just return from tawandang:):);)
firstly its a super two thumbs up event,i love it
secondly, me and baby took plenty of great shots which i gonna post up afew and the rest on face book.
gosh we look great just like super model u know! i love it.
One of my Hr staff ,yati say my baby look like Korean.hahahha,how adorable.
Thirdly,sp look gorgeous.well i think she got a taste of super model a Lil bit.hehe.
And lastly i wanna say about one freaking issue.
i would like to seek for forgiveness if this post would be fill up with outrageous vulgarities.

FCUK la,If you don't like me being loud,telling you its not my fcuking business.
i don't give a fcuking damn if i irritate your ears.
that's my personality,loud and outgoing,
who do you think you are to change me,with your fcuking stare and dirty big mouth talking behind my back,Frankly i don't give a fcuking damn about it.
that's who am,i love being me,due to this cheerful personality of mine,that makes me a happier person who never fail to make my baby and friends smile everyday.
i made great friends with this personality,if you are annoyed seeing me making new friends within seconds,than blame yourself for being who you are.
i love working there due to the people there,they never fail to make me laugh and smile wide but with your presence,it makes no different at all because i always thought you were invisible in my eyes.
i brought my boyfriend,does that concern and bother you?
not at all.
i'm with my boyfriend yet i still spoke and laugh together with my guy friends there,is it wrong to you?
Nat and i have been close for years,we hug and kiss,and his 14,and his just a brother to me,does that concern you?
hey like seriously its TOTALLY NONE OF YOUR BUSSINESS TO INTERFERE.
carry on talking and bullshitting,i know who my friends and who i need.
i don't owned you a living,so if you hate me then fcuk off,don't look at me,even a glance.
i don't need your freaking minah stare alright.

p/s: hahhahaha,you're so lame.

Weeeee,i the moment I've been waiting for have finally arrived!!
i can't wait can't wait!!
But the shitty part is I've not decide what to wear and what kind of hairstyle.hee:)
I gonna introduce baby to Hilmi today,since i gonna start work there baby should know who are the people I've been hanging out with.
In conjunction Hilmi is one guy i regard very important to me in friend terms uh,so i would like baby to know him too.
Baby already talk to Siti my another bestest friend and sister.
i love this two the most of all in tawandang beside Sp.hahhaha.
well i need to get prepare now,
wish sp good luck,hope she can win man!!!
LOVE SP ALOT.

this days me and baby got photos taken from a few other cameras around,but sadly all are baby's friends,so like ps to ask them and send me through fb,so nvm la.hahhaha.

and all those shots looks adorable uh.damn.wasted.should get that camera I've been eyeing for soon,very soon.
well tomorrow baby and i gonna celebrate our belated monthsary.
on the day itself,we were by each other side on the hour when it strike midnight.we spend the night together.baby was half drunk and start walking with his hands instead of legs.hahahhah.
at the end of the day i still have lots of fun even though i didn't drink.
anyway frankly i don't drink no more,even how hard people pursuit me,i can resist them and push the offer away.hee.

we actually gonna have our dinner at Tawandang,but sadly the tickets i booked had been taken away.
Plus the motive is also to support sp,but i wonder how now,I'll try my best to see what i can do.
I was actually looking forward for it.and now....................
Damn.

ANOTHER PAIN.

This time I'm experiencing a secondary dysmenorrhea .It sounded serious isn't it,but it's a medical term for more complicated menstruation cramp:)
symptoms accompanying my menstrual cycle: dull, throbbing pain in my lower abdomen, back, and possibly throughout my legs. Nausea, vomiting, diahrrea, dizziness, and sweating.
And its excessively painful its almost unbearable,i swear.
This feeling makes me feel as though i'm dying real soon:(:(:,

even mummy says " why your face so pale ,macam nak mati besok gitu?" hahahha.what a decription,"like gonna die tmr" choi uh! touch wood.

one after another.i really got to get more health food ,fruits and veg.less of this ;kfc,mac,pastamania,sakura and so on. don't want to die that early uh. heeee.

i thought i could leave the house soon,but my brother suddenly need my help. alamak!Gonna be late and out of schedule definetly.

Okay this is when i want to start with serious matter.
ever since the exam started,i've been observing even more things.i thought i could just share how i feel,but when i think of it again,i decide there's nothing to share about.

i wanted to write this post longer but i don't want this post leading to different view than mine.so i decice keeping it short.
it sucks keeping this matter to myself.how disturbing can this be.

MATHS PAPER 2 :(:(:(

In the end i tend to think of how it began.
I could never explain the answer i gave,i know my stuff well yet why did it actually happen.
Now i couldn't explain how i'm feeling taking the paper 2.
What's done is done,i could just pray hard and do my very best on my paper later at 2.
Hopefully it might help to pull up my result.

Keep my eyes focus this time.I've waited long for this and i not gonna waste my chance and time for this.
I've been through thick and thin,I've struggle through this years,and i hate to think of doing my Os another year again.I got to,because ite isn't the place for me.I would rather take O level again and again than entering ite.
It's not that i'm saying ite is bad or what,but it's because i got short attention spend,i get carried away very easily.so yeah.

i kept mentioning ite,not that i got no confidence but it's just my backup plan.
i don't always aim for the sun and get the stars like some people do.
I aim for a chicken and roaster then slowly breed it.hehehehheheh:):):)(slowly imagine uh) hee
in other words,i down give myself very high aims,because i know the impact of not getting it is sucks to the extreme.

Okay i gonna continue on my revision.
amin.

Well i should get prepare for my very first paper of the week!!
weeeeeeeeeee,the time finally arrived.
The moment I've waiting for the whole lifetime.
Get this done as fast so there will be one paper less to do.
damn!! i'm kinda having a mix feeling of good and bad.Bad its because i'm nervous which i don't even know the reason why and Happy because i got 1 paper less.hee:)

Okay i should get going:):);)
bye byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

He got school.

But nevermind there still other event right.

i'm not sure should i return back to tawandan.

But if i do,i'm not able to meet baby unless i'm taking part time.

i guess tawandan would just be my last choice.But i miss the fun and joy working there plus

Adel Nat and Chris is there too .

In just 2 weeks,everything is over.

Well i'm for sure gonna get a job right after my last paper,

Dr Yaya;

ONE BILLION of people die from smoking in a year but smokers don't think they going to die.
And although smokers do know that they are at increased risk of developing heart disease and cancer, they think that it is always someone else’s risk.

Baby just had his nose bleed yesterday.I'm so worried to the extend i stop him from smoking immediately.
I felt so bad after that,but i'm just doing this for his own good.And i know he will call me and asked if he could smoke even if he told me the night before after a long persuasion,he wouldn't.hahahha.

i let him because once people decide they want to quit, most of them could.But if they still have doubts, it will be a quite difficult,like baby.of course i understand my baby,i knew he couldn't stop immediately.
No actually he could but because of the peer pressure around him makes him feels like smoking too.
It's not easy to see ALL your friends smokes but only you doesn't,it feels very outnumbered,not in place and really weird.

Within 20 minutes of quitting smoking, our blood pressure and heart rate will normalise. And in about 12 hours, the carbon monoxide and nicotine levels in our blood will reduce by half.
By 24 hours, the oxygen levels in our blood will normalise and our immediate risk of heart attacks falls. But to reduce the immediate risk of heart attacks similar to that of non-smokers, it will take another 14 years.
Due to all this facts,i'm trying to persuade baby to quit smoking with me as soon as possible.

Actually i do have a good sense "shop smart" and baby don't believe it.
Yesterday went out with Faiz to get for his Ex gf a present and we actually manage to get 2 thing within that barget and timing,how great.It's like Oprah big give;spending a certain amount of money wisely for a given limited time.
Faiz just proven to be a good promoter.hahaha.IInstead of the sales girl,promoting the bag,he became the promoter who promote the bag in a gay way.hahhaa.how entertaining.
Alternatively i should be the one ,carrying the bag to let him see,it goes the other way round,he carries the bag and I see.heee.
And it look super hilarious seeing a muscular guy,carrying a girl handbag.
Well since he love to disturb me,it's my turn to get every slightest revenge i could.hehehhe.

After we got the bag,we went to get the dress.
This is the shit,i chose for him this dress,since he took so long to decide,i made his life easier by me
wearing it on for him to see.
I didn't expect the dress that i hold was FREE SIZE as it look super XS. my goodness.
But since i offer the help,i couldn't take it back.
So i tried wear in on,i took so long to wear it on and took to take it off.I almost tear the dress uh.hahahha,okay that's too exaggerating,but no,it really super tight to the extent that my breast pops out,see nothing but breast.
i was kinda happy as i see no tummy even with that super tight fitting dress.weeeee.i slim down!yeyeye.

well i'm so proud of myself that i actually manage to overcome this issue myself.
i thought i gonna throw tantrum at baby,but i realised minutes later,I've change.
finally i can see changes in myself so clear like a glass.
i thought i gonna start a war again with baby,but i realised i'm stronger than i thought,my mind is taking control my sensitiveness.isn't that amazing.
i thought i gonna take longer than this.hehehhe.
YEY ME!

yesterday was just awesome.
celebrating my love Sp birthday!
gonna post about it once i got the pictures.

and that's all for today,i going out right now.gonna be late for sure as usual.hehehehe.

You ain't a bad boyfriend,you're wrong when you say you fail to make me happy,you're wrong about every negative thoughts you got.so wrong.

i still thought i'm still dreaming,still sleeping,still living in a life of fairytale because a guy like you is just too good to be true.
I'm so lucky to have you by my side.
You change my whole life.You make me feel and experience the real meaning of love.You have given me the greatest happiness in my life.

all the pain and tears i cause and yet you never say goodbye.
i know i let you down many times.But now,I've change a lil right baby.see i told you.

i will be,all that you want.I'll get myself together because you always there to keep me from falling apart.
telling you baby,all my life I'll be with you forever.
yesterday was the first time we hang up with no"i love you" . i can't sleep and yet i didn't reply your text but it's because i want to prevent myself from saying unpleasant words,i don't want to hurt you no more.
i don't want live without you.because i know i can never ever live without you.

p/s:don't worry baby,it doesn't hurt when it heals.

And telling you from today i going to throw all this unreasonable acts,i will stop being mean,i will stop hurting you,i will not make you mad no more.
i regret each time i hurt you,i tried my very best to stop myself from hurting you but it's always
out of my control.
i don't even know what is wrong with me now.
i love you so much and yet i always hurt you.
"why" is that question i kept asking myself.
You don't deserve all that.you always say it's your fault but never once i thought it's entirely your fault.
We have went through so much,i guess its time for us to learn from the past and avoid it in future.

you gonna start school soon,we no longer could spend more time with each other but there sure a solution to it.

I've realised upon my mistakes after i send that email to you.
from today i will erase all the unpleasant past,we will start a fresh.
i will do everything for your happiness baby.

i will forget all about your past and etc,we have fight more than enough about it.
which i find myself so lame to pick on a fight about it.hehehhehe.
like seriously i'm asking myself why did i actually get mad over it?hahahahha.
i don't need to worry or care no more because i know now,they may be your past but i'm your present and future.hehhehe.
with all the fights are all in search for the truth and to know what are ya thinking and now i know entirely everything and anything.

i love you baby!!you're more than anything.
i don't need no other man,i don't fear nobody,i don't call nobody but you;my one and only.
thanks for the action and words to show me how you feel towards me,i'm really touched over everything that you do for me.

i decided to change my blog song,as the rhythm of this song seem to match how i feel without my love.
 and guess what,i just return from pr and now at gf's place Adel.
Rushing to blog about MY LOVE TEXTED ME!!!!

That feeling of joy arouse me giving me a complete enthusiasm
sadly Adel became my victim,since she was just my side so i started tapping hardly at her shoulder .hehhehe
And start shouting OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!heee.
i swear i didn't expect him to text me,when Chris friend handed me my phone.,i thought it was my friend but when i saw that screen blinking "babybabybaby"  i started to react unglamly and in a quick time i open and read the text.heee

baby say"Hey2 b,hope ur doing fine.(missing text here:):);))well its freaking cold right nw n I'm missing u alot.I'll be back soon to see ya aites.bye-bye b,love you very very the much"

money is nothing to compared by him,so i replied.     
he's my everything!!

i love my babyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!
i miss my babyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!
i want my babyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!
i need my babyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!