LOVE IS IN THE AIR

2010-05-02T15:27:00.001+08:00

It's better to love than never love at all..

When i think of what I've done,the pain that I've brought,

baby you should have walked out on me instead of giving me the choice to decide.

I was so exhausted of figuring out how to fixed our broken puzzle,i took the easy way out

to forget upon everything by going out with somebody new.

I always gave you up whenever i saw something better.

But still you forgave me like it was so easy.

i should been better to you.

It breaks my heart to think how hard you have to handle me,to love me to be patient

and to give in to all my nonsense.

I'm sorry baby to make it so hard and i apologise for the changes i put you through.

It's hard to believe after everything,you're still here beside me.

I never told you how i felt when deep inside i knew that you're really what i need.

I didn't gave you any answer till now because i don't wanna be foolish to let you go because

i know at the end of the day,my tears steadily falling like a pouring rain,i know i will miss you day and night and i will start hoping if just i didn't made such decision.

They say pleasure always comes with pain.

I'm so used to being whole and i know if things happen its hard to be half again.

i love you baby.muacks.

2010-05-01T14:58:00.002+08:00

I don't ask much from you,only love and happiness..

Well i know,maintaining a relationship aint easy and things gets even harder if the other party refuse to do anything,but just letting time and nature take its course.
I'm tired of trying,waiting and be patient,
In this relationship,people look at me as the bad guy but no one knows the truth.

It's only hope that kept me going.

I envy those relationship,whereby their boyfriend treat their girlfriend like gold;kissing their forehead out of the sudden,smile at random times and always hugging their gf even though its in the public.Their boyfriend plan a whole day activity just for the both of them,gave their girlfriend surprises as they know girl love surprises ,disturbing their gf even though they are with their friends and always put the girl at the top of the list.

Who says this kind of guy doesnt exist,i used to date such a guy.
And things that i'm asking for is not ridiculous,that is a job of a boyfriend,to make their girl happy and pamper them with lots of love.
Don't be in a relationship if you know you can't afford to make her happy.

In this relationship,i am the one who usually gave such surprises and etc as though i'm the guy because for one reason,since he cant do all that for me,by me doing all those for him,makes me even happier.Seeing his sweetest smile is everything that i need to kept me smiling the whole night long.But even sometimes,i do so much for him,at the end of the day,i didnt even receive a warm tight hug from him.
i didnt ask for much,just a hug from him is also difficult.

p/s: I can't sleep till i hear your heart.I can't smile till i see yours.

2010-04-30T22:47:00.000+08:00

Many many many many things is running through my mind.MANY!!

Well things in school is going fine.But i just gonna share a story about this guy,

we ain't longer speaks to each other as our story had ended but i just felt like writing about him.

The story began,okay no i ain't gonna elaborate about him much.

So cut the story short,he were so nice to me in the beginning,had lots of fun talking and laughing and playing with him.I was so touched of the way he treated me,

as never before i receive such a great treatment from just a friend;sending me to class and all.

But things start going shaky when his friend started telling me things about him.

I really appreciate it a lot but I still ain't sure why did she told me all of that

out of a sudden.But thanks to her i didn't got trap by him.

He was a playboy and he told me he is not one.

Right after all that,i started treating him differently,he may not be a somebody to me

but i hate liars.Soon enough he started treating me differently too.

The next moment,he became like a stranger to me.

Actually,this story have been cut out a lot,as I'm avoiding some misunderstanding if

people that's related to this story would think the other wise.

He may be just a friend,but why should he lie?i am still wondering that part.

He may be a stranger,but why do i have to avoid him?

Well thankfully,he went oversea this 3 days and life in poly went so fine with no

awkwardness running about each time we pass by each other.

Will i speak to him in class one day or will he be the one starting the conversation first?

Will we forget everything that had happen and just be normal friends

or am i gonna ignore him all the way?

someone told me to erase him off my mind and I'm wondering when will the day be,

he became my complete stranger.Is that possible if he is in the same class as me at that

one module and i treat him like complete strangers and coincidentally his machine is just right beside mine which is less that 7 feet away.

2010-04-18T17:10:00.001+08:00

Umiiiiiiiiiiii :):);)

Hais,my umi is sick.Mummy told me,for the moment try not to go her place for this period of time.

Since Ive not took the injection,i cant meet her to prevent from getting effected

as i'm weak always get affected by sickness easily.

I gonna miss her so much but never mind,I'll call her later.

Maybe tomorrow or on tuesday i will visit her.

She have already became part of my life,she is just like my own mum ever since our relationship gets closer.

i love her.

shes always there giving me advice, comforting me and also taking care of me each time

i'm experiencing my monthly menstruation cramp.

Hopefully my prayers is heard by god,hopefully she get well soon.

p/s: take care umi,i love you.

2010-04-18T16:35:00.000+08:00

Back to school!!

Yesterday was my last fun and enjoyment before going back to school.

Damn i would say its damn awesome man!!

Its been 6 months and finally I'm returning back to school.

I'll elaborate about yesterday at the next post right after i receive those pictures.

I kept thinking,every time i'm out to shop,where the hell is the clothes?

i bought so much,but when i open my closet to get prepare to go out,i took almost

1hr to find my proper combination.

wth is my clothes man.kene curik dgn toyol ke?

Mum already start nagging,my clothes is growing triple time more and there isn't any place anymore

to placed them.

but again,why cant i find those clothes that i bought yesterday,last week,last month.where?

is it been thrown away from my bloody bastard brothers or my neat and tidy mum.

My also add on,asking me to prepare my clothes the night before,to prevent myself

getting late for school.

well i already prepared for tomorrow.hahaha!

My top and jeans (ironed)

My socks(prepared)

My shoe(placed nicely on my table)

my belt(on my table)

My Bangles and necklace(placed neatly on my table)

The only thing that's not prepare is just my bag.

2010-04-16T22:09:00.001+08:00

i was browsing through the YouTube, searching for songs and so far this is the best Ive found.Nice beat man.frankly i don't even know this singer.But whatever it is,
its a great song but not my favourite:):);)

2010-04-16T21:27:00.002+08:00

That is just a random shot which really got to do anything about my coming up post.

heeee.but isnt it cool.haaa:):);)

After i thought through,my timetable isnt that bad afterall.

Monday; 8-4pm

Tuesday; 8-2.50pm

Wednesday; 12-2.50pm

Thursday; 11-5pm

Friday; 1-5pm..

Only the first 2 days of the week i really got wake up damn super early,the rest of the day in that week

is quite chill. But even though it starts late or early i still got to leave my

house 1 hour 15mins before start of school.unless if i take train.which is i am very lazy to walk till redhill station.

Think of the bright side,i can slowly smoke before going to school:):);)

wee and after school,if no plans i can head to baby's place on thursday and friday.wee.
this is one reason why i chose nyp.heee

2010-04-16T18:54:00.003+08:00

Its been awhile...

I can never be home at this hour but i am today.
i told everyone that i can do it,ill will force myself to stay home since im left with only 2 days left before the school term starts.

But unfortunately,the boredom at home is unbearable.i couldn't take another seconds no more.
i would rather spend and finish my cash on something so ridiculous
than be at home staring at my lappy the whole day.

Actually i was suppose to go dinner or supper at town with baby last week but we cancel.

And yesterday,me and my dearest twd friends thought of eating at spize but
after we took the drink order,everyone decided to go newton
to eat since they have more variety at newton.
But i was feeling extremely lethargic and restless,so i ask abg bo to send me home first.
That's probably the first time i reach home early,at 2.30.
usually if I'm out with my dearest,i will reach home earliest at 4 or latest by 5.30am.

And finally if the weather is fine,i gonna be eating dinner with baby boy later at newton.hopefully it happens la.
i really craving for chilli crab sauce so badly.baby doesn't know that i only wants the sauce not the crab.heee.

2010-04-15T05:29:00.004+08:00

wth is happening...

this months,ever since I werk during the nightlife,I am become more like an owl.hee
Fresh at night but when sun rises than I sleep. and shuts la,I'm starting school in few more days to reach.
how am I suppose to concentrate in class if I didn't sleep.damnnn! this sucks!!!
I better start to go home before 11 pm this week before school starts.I must be more discipline man.

even though some people are complaining their ass off due to the school opening but I am so excited and so looking forward to study.
the recent orientation I attended on Tuesday was a blast!
at the start,well I felt down seeing how quiet my class can be,so Quai Kia. hee:):);)

after 2 hours have pass without me opening my mouth which is so rare for me not to,I finally starts to interact with all my classmates and soon enough,I break the ice. I made 2 closes friends in class and all the rest. damn they are great and soon everybody starts to laugh and chitchat with one another.

And i also made friend with a friendly and helpful OGL.haa.he's nice,really.so glad to know him:):);)

2010-04-12T01:59:00.002+08:00

fcuked up day at werk..

Suddenly out of the damn blue,Last Sunday crowd was unpredictable.Its a total chaos.
With the hungry customer rushing for food and within the hour whereby everyone wanted to placed order,the system broke down.
All of us was like so helpless,running from one system to another,found out,all the system broke down at the same time.
So the management suggest to write it in a piece of paper and pass it to the kitchen and bar.
Food didn't come out,food came out slow,food didn't came out the right amount as been ordered.

i almost gone insanely mad when the management called me,asking and questioning me about a customer that ran off.
the question that pisses me off the most is when he asked " where is the customer now"
what the fcuk,that's not my responsibility to know where did the customer go.why should the customer report to me ,if he wants to go to the washroom.I'm not a teacher ,taking care of students.
I'm a waitress taking care of the food.
I didn't understand till what is he trying to say till i got hint that he wants me to pay an amount of $300.
my emotion took control over me right after he said that.The company system broke down,is not the waitress responsibility ,customer ran away is also not the waitress fault at all.
the system break down,the company should be at lost but in the end they pushes the blame to the waitress and waiter to pay for the runaway customer.
On the spot,i shouted at his face and just walk off.
while i was smoking and calming myself down,i was thinking,if i really needed to pay that amount,i swear i will call the police to handle this issue for me.
they think they are smart.tsk! kiss my foot man.

in the end,my friend help me out by sorting this issue and found out,the customer have paid for their food.

ever since that day,i ain't longer attend werk regularly.i am so not bothered if they are in shortage of manpower or not.

2010-04-09T02:48:00.002+08:00

List of what I want to do for this week ..

Shopping..
Ayam penyet..

Next week..

Newton..
New ezlink Card..
Jb with my beloved daya and yatis.

Next month..

Zoo..
Book chalet..

2010-04-08T14:12:00.003+08:00

Took off..

These days I've been putting back my tongue stud on my tongue.
I pierce when I was sec 2,but the hole don't seems to close even after me not wearing it for over 2 years.
I started using it back as there's this auntie at werk was talking about misfortune for using the tongue stud at werk.
So instead of just believing or ignoring her,I was curious to find out,and so I wore it back.well the moment I wore it,I know,I definitely gonna face hapless from baby.
needing to face baby,because he spot this very quick.
But beside that,I seems to be doing fine maybe even better at werk.
And that had proven that,her believes is wrong,just plain nonsensical.hehehh.
I took it off liaoooo.not wearing it for the time being.

2010-04-08T02:31:00.005+08:00

Sugar daddy?!?! Hahahha!!

Once the clock strike 5pm,customer already starts to fill up the seats
in session 2.I've not yet to smoke but customer since to start coming in one after another.
At that moment,I was the only one tHere to take incharge.
Okay,now the story begins..
There's 3 male customer,a great gentlemen,we were all in a good term.We were talking And laughing.okay this is still normal.
When He asked for the bill from hilmi,he asked Hilmi to call me to serve him instead of hilmi.when hiLmi called me saying "customer 206 nak jumpe you" I
started to feel strange.I was thinking,u can just sign and go.why do need me to pass the bill for you.
So cluelessly I pass the bill With no tips! And deep inside,I think again,so why do u need me?
He starts asking me will I be here for dinner,how long have I been werking here,where iM schooling and etc.at the end he add on,i will be coming here again for dinner,see you later okay". I just reply politely okay.
Suddenly At around 10+pm while I was standing around the Bar,a man just appear infront of me.and it was him again.thought who the hell,in the was him.he starts tAlking to me and giving me some Compliment that Im a great girl with good potential ,he said he got hope on me to see me suceessful one day in future.he ask me tO study hard.
He told me he is not able to have dinner here as he need to rush to some other place and he apologies for that? He say he will come gain to see me before my last day of werking before school start.
While I was talking to him I didn't know everyone were looking and trying to hear what was the conversation about.hahah.
And seriously Im wondering, so The motive of he returning is just to apologies and say bye?!damn what is wrong?!
Once he leave,people start asking,what did he wants and stuff. Well what can I say... Hehhehe

2010-04-07T04:55:00.002+08:00

I'm still searching for the reason why is he not mentioning the detail about where he going and etc.
If he got to say that he doesn't want to disturb me while werking,
that is definetly ridiculous because he knows very well how chill am I at werkas though it's owned by my father.
Maybe I guess he is just too obsessed with werk but that make no sense because baby always takes train,why can't he text me in the train since he got a long ride,it would be unacceptable if he wants to say,he doesn't want to disturb me when I'm asleep because I'm a person,if I sleep,I can still wake up to reply and return back to sleep.it doesn't stop me from sleeping again.how about after werk and all.once at home?!

Okay calm down yaya.well there's more running through.
Well I know of the way to distract myself from this pain,talking about my shopping day out with baby!!
Monday I went to shopping with baby,never felt so fun.shop for baby new formal clothes,as usual me,nak carik kasut and bag,in the end bought myself 2 dress and 2 tops.money fly,and more money gonna fly on Friday and saturday so do next Saturday. Can't wait to shop again!!!!! Shopping is the 3rd source of my happiness.hehehhe

2010-04-07T04:15:00.002+08:00

Writting in Malay.let's try.hahah
Untukmu kekasihku):);)

Kite sayang awak,kite selalu cube untuk menahan mate kite untuk menDengar awak bangun Dari tido awak.kite nak dengar suare awak setiap pagy awak bangun Dari tido awak.suare awak sungguh lucu apabila awak baru bangun tido dengan Muke awak tu yang sungguh cacak.
Tetapi awak selalu tidak menghubungi kite setiap Kali awak bangun tido,kenape ye?Susah sangat ke?
Awak dah tak Msg kite apabila awak keluar,bila awak sampai keje bila awak keluar selapas keje bila awak suDah sampai rumah.
Dahulu awAk selalu Bilang kite semue gerak Geri awak,sebelum kite bersame pun awak Sudah mule untuk memberi tahu kite tentang ini semue tetapi kenape Sekarang awak sudah hentiKan itu semue.kte selalu memikiri tentang awak,tatapi Nampak nampaknye awak ingat kite sudah tidak kesah atau awak sudah tak kesah lagi. Hais cuma tuhan sahaja lah yang tahu berapa sedihnya saya.

Okay end of writing in Malay,hahahhahahaha,Gosh my malay is atrocious.This is really a hard way to express my well,I barely able to express myself as half of my time is thinking of the word and the other quarter to think of the way to form it nicely but I failed.hahahha.I can't speak nor write good Malay,how sucks can it be.a Malay who doesn't know how to speak nor write good Malay.
It's okay,because I found a guy whom is just like me.right baby?I think he is worst.haahah

2010-04-07T04:04:00.003+08:00

Patience will pay off one day..

This is all part of challenges in life.it's a test for me to learn And grow maturely
from it.this test cAn made me stronger in future.
I may not able to enjoy now but atleast in future my happiness will triple times the blast.

These days,I have lots of thing running in mind and I am real lucky to have a great lesbian friend daya whom always there to give great advice.Hehe.whatever she said make me start thinking all over again and seriously she can BeCome a good councelor.hahah.she is really so good till she is able to wake me up before I fall apart.
Thank you so much baby daya.I love you so much.hehhehhe.

2010-04-01T15:09:00.002+08:00

This post dedicate to my one and only Lovely Man in my life.

Baby,Happy 7 month.During this journey,we have gone through so much.

You are a firm believer,you trusted me,you love me,you care for me and you are always there to catch me when i fall.Always there to cheer me up when i am down,always there to comfort me and give me advise when I am in a helpless position.

Thank you so much baby.This may sound so awkward appreciating all this because its so rare to hear me as your girlfriend to give some appreciation. hahhaha.

baby,my love for you is timeless and its deeper than the depth of emotion.

Everyday goes by and i am finding the reason that i love you more and more.

I ain't got much to offer but my heart and soul yet you still appreciate my presence with much delight.Your love is so beautiful and your love had change my life so perfectly now.

I used to dream of us together constantly and i never fail to woke up with a smile.

Now the reality is even better than in my dream.

Before i leave and get prepare for work,i wanna say,i love you baby:):);)
i shall be waiting for you at work later.i miss you baby.
muacks!! baby love baby more everyday.lovelovelove you effing much.

2010-03-16T15:22:00.000+08:00

2010-03-09T13:50:00.000+08:00

Right now I'm at jurong medical centre to have my poly medical checkup.it's like so freaking roublesome.supposingly I should be alright by now but because baby was late And I refuses to walk on my own,I missed the first slit and now I'm wAiting till this nurses and doctors to return from their lunch.it's already 9th of march and I've yet to hand in the forms to school and pay my school fees.dateline 12 of march.gosh this is freaking rushing.I going to school once I wake up tmr.luckily I hAve a loving bf to help me out in this And company me tmr.

2010-03-06T15:14:00.000+08:00

Well yesterday was quite an awesome night.
i was left behind by the transport and i reached home at 2.20am this morning.
Gosh i really had a long day yesterday at werk.
Its all due to one wrong move.hahhaha.
It's been awhile since i ride on a bike,sooooo Aof needed Mee to help him get some beers.And ofcz i loudly volunteered on following to lead the way.
Two bikes racing through the road,gosh i love it.hehehe.
Right after i reach back,i notice that my transport had disappear and left w/o me.
Okay so the only thing that is in my mind is just taking cab home,but grabbing a cab at Dempsey isn't easy,so i asked mee,lun and yatie a favour to send me back home.
while riding,me and yatie kept passing cigarettes around.And all we needed was focus to prevent the cig to fly.One bike will catch the bike with cig and it continue all the way till i reach home.We had great team work,out of werk and so do at werk.
After a fun night riding across the road ,,
Unfortunately,i reach home,get fcuked by baby,for riding a bike.hais.i'm sorry baby.

p/s: no more riding on a bike.hais

2010-03-05T14:15:00.002+08:00

Each time,i watch and listen to this song,it just reminds me and bring me to the memories i had with baby.My life seems to be so beautiful with him,its as though i'm in a dream.But right now,my reality is my sweetest dream.
I'm so grateful to have found him and always have him by my side.He's my greatest man,my dream guy and my one and only man.
I never fail to laugh and spread a smile on my face each time i'm around him.
we may have gone through all kind of obstacles,by we always try our best to solve it,instead of runniong away.we learn from each and every obstacle and struggles we had,thats the reason why,our relationship is strong because it grew stronger each time.nothing can break us apart.
i love him so muchhhhhhhhhhh.

p/s:i complete my life with him in my future.

2010-03-05T13:43:00.000+08:00

completing the forms..

i knew it ain't gonna be easy filling up the form by myself.I took almost a hour to figure out what the hell i wrote.hhahaha.I think i messed up everything,but never mind,i guess i taking a day off on Monday to hand up the forms and all.Then the next day ill be going to UOB before werk with dad to pay the school fees.

Right after i finished everything,i asked my mum..This is how the conversation goes.

yaya: Mum on the 18 April there's a roadshow going on at school to buy laptop uh..
mum:okay..how much??
yaya:aiya cheap only la,i choose the cheapest among all.

dad just set down quietly listening on the conversation,just needing to know that one info;HOW MUCH?
since he's the one paying.

mum:good good,how much?
yaya:$2000 only.
mum & dad:WHAT!!?? GILER!!! DONT BE CRAZY. and they continue for a 2 minutes.
mum whisper:you try talk to him nicely uh,I'm sure you can get it uh.hehehe.
yaya:aiyaaaaaaaa never mind uh,i pay uh i pay.school fee i pay,laptop i pay,shopping i pay,everything also i pay uh.

everyone keep quiet..............
i enter the room,blog and smoke to release some stress.hahahhah

2010-03-04T17:55:00.005+08:00

its been 4months...

i just realised,4 months isn't long.it's not enough at all,well holidays can never be enough.

wow,how greedy can i be.hahaha.

i still remember the moment once i finished my last paper,with no hesitation,that "paper" was torn.(shit,its been too long that i can't remember what that paper is called,there's a name ,time and date on the paper)*okay whatever,this is wasting my time*hahahha.

Get a job.Along the way,made new friends,close friends and best friend.

That is where my holidays was all spent so meaningfully,full of fun and laughter.

But now,right after i got the letter from school,the fun seems to be fading,stress seems to be over powering it.There's so much to do.

Enter to the website,to fill certain important info's.
fill in the forms.
Go to school to hand up the forms.
medical checkups.
pay school fees.

It may look little,but the deadline is 12 march.I got to do all this by 12 march.now its 5Th of march.goshhhh,i gonna start werking frequently if i want to get my mac book man.

Nothing is impossible,preseverence is enough.hehehe.

2010-03-03T17:21:00.004+08:00

off day....

Almost the entire weekends,i'm werking or out with friends/boyfriend.

There was no way i was going to stay home during weekends or off day.

I ain't going to allow myself to go grey as i am only reaching 18.

Boredom,exhaustion and fatigue is arousing me.

Staying home,helped out with the cleaning,clear off my secondary school books and out to buy dinner for family.gosh i hate it.

But when the hours seems to worsen,something just spice me up when

wlsn called me,so we met up.wow,its been awhile.

After a long chat,we thought of meeting pr.

thank god,my day transform to a great and chilling day.

2010-03-02T15:44:00.000+08:00

:(:(:( i don't understand why,i'm always the course of each fights.I get over sensitive easily,

love to jump to conclusion and give up easily.

How mean can i be to hurt someone i love the most.

what the hell am i thinking.

I going to make yesterday the last fight ever as in we aint gonna fight over the same things.

I aint gonna say those words i said ever again.

I'm sorry baby.

Okay secondly i want to talk about my diary.

damn it,i lost it.shit la!! so many shits is inside it.Inside that diary are full of my past shits.

URGHHHHHHHHHHH SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!

It's okay.Maybe its just fate.

Lastly,goodbyeeeeeeeeeee!!! i got to rush for werk.shall continue later on.

2010-03-02T02:22:00.001+08:00

shit,actually i got something in mind to say but i just forgot.

This stm shit im experiencing since many years is just getting worst.

I shall just update on few things,finally after so long.im having that stomach cramp when i laugh too much over something very hilarious.weeeee.

it may be painful but im happy at the same time,im back to that happy and cheerful lady,no more girl uh.hehehhe.Reaching 18 soon.A grown up.

Im starting to think more wisely and maturely.

Hopefully i can change into more calm and relaxed person,i dont want to follow like my dad.

he's a scary guy and every sibling of mine,both younger and older seems to be following my dad's footsteps.

its just the genes but nooooooooooo,i gonna change the trend.

i dont want to be like any of my siblings,i want to be different.

so i hope i can be more calm and think/decide things more maturely as i am getting older each year.

~~i always make my love sad and dissapointed with my character.~~

i realised i am very stubborn,bad temper,rushful, and etc.from now im gonna kill all that character and change for the better.well i shall not continue writting all about my bad character because i aint the worst plus im not the only one whom always starts everything.it takes two hands to clap.i have feelings and sensitive points.so yeah.

~~frankly the truth hurts and the facts hurts.~~

~~i'm just dissapointed why this always got to happen on my special day.~~

~~maybe the date itself is jinxed.~~

~~i remembered upon the promises but its broken again.~~

~~its over though,i shall forget everything and start fresh,i write all this down so that i could erase the pain immediately off my heart.~~

even after everything we had gone through,those arguements,small or big ,i still love him so much.he is my one and only.My love can never stop growing because i know he is that only guy that can makes me smile the widest.i love you baby.

~~i love you~~

~~i love you muhd rafee~~

~~and i dont wanna stop saying i love you to you for the whole entire life of mine.~~

~~i gonna say this later,tomorrow,next month,year and till the day i die.~~

~~i love you baby.~~

2010-03-01T14:29:00.000+08:00

Two birthdays,same place but different blok.

Every half an hour i got to run off.

First half to ngai shun's bd then another half to zee's bd then so on for the rest of the night.

They call me a cat,because i kept running all around just like cat.ahhahah.

Well happy birthday to Zee and ngai shun.My two love.

Hope they are enjoy themself much and always be happy with their love ones by their side.

It was fun night indeed but also a tiring one.

Incontrast able to spend my day with my beloved girlfriends,boyfriend and friends,its awesome.

This is the most memorable moment ever,At first i decided to go home but suddenly i felt like staying and for the first time i didnt get scolding for not coming home.i guess they finally realised im a grown up.heeee.

2010-03-01T13:55:00.001+08:00

Its been awhile since i last update this blog.Well i guess I'm just too lazy

to update since i end werk everyday at 1/2am.

Reached home,get fresh,talk to my babylOve then back to sleep at 3/4 am.

Thats how it goes everyday accept for Off days.

Every Off day,my schedule will be pack with lots of exciting plan.Thats the joy of hols.

You can go whenever and wherever we wish to.

Next week to jb we gooooo.woohoooo.

Hopefully next month to KL or Batam.

Life is getting much enjoyable with less of stress at home and money seems to be growing rapidly every month.wow,this is paradized man.Just swipe it,and you get whatever you want.hahaha.

I realised,i've not been keeping any saving for the pass few months.i've been spending 1k every month w/o realizing.So after i realised,i gonna start saving for rainny day.

every month 200bucks-400bucks.

Last salary,i spend on my hair and pair of clothes.

This month i gonna spend on hair/beauty product and a pair of shoes.

(bills and etc in compulsary)

But i must keep reminding myself not to over spend.

I want to make this saving money shit a Hobby.weeeeee:):);)

2010-02-05T15:10:00.000+08:00

recently i'm just dissapointed on how mean and cruel can people be.

it feels sucks.what i've done to them to deserve all this.

i work so hard to earn my own money for my own expenses so do you but why should you do to your own kind of people .what do you have to take advantage on someone you know is weaker.

when comes to work,you want perfection,but why when comes to our needs,you just ignore and not even bothered.why??

I just got to blame on myself,for being lazy to get another job.

i've made such great friends there and living is the hardest thing to do unless we leave together.

Plus working at this current fcuking place is just a freedom.

it have been a routine of life.

sadly that place have become hell and misery.

2010-02-05T14:41:00.002+08:00

p/s:Having each other by each other side is all we needed.

2010-01-20T14:00:00.003+08:00

Sometimes when i'm alone,i got this habit of thinking deep about my life.When i thought again,

my life ain't so suck after all.

I used to complain,everything that brother wants,he got it within days or week.

But i found out that,complaining doesn't help,i still receive nothing from my parent.

And now I got everything that i want and all i need to do is just to werk and be patient.

I got great friends,friends that makes me who i am now.A cheerful person.

Last Saturday,i went out to meet baby and LMQ,

i was having such a !@#$%^&* day at werk for the whole week and just within hours,they ease off all my problem and sadness.

At times while werking,i can miss them,missing their fun and laughter.

They have already become part of my life.

They never fail to make me smile,even though they love to tease,disturb and chase and being chase around.

I am having another day off today,meeting my love later at 5.30pm at Dempsey right after his driving.

Every Wednesday,we often meet each other very early in the day and ends our day at a very late at night.

But due to his driving,we are meeting later than usual.

Wooohooo,cant wait to be out with baby!!

Gonna hangout,just the both of us.

Suddenly i thought of going ... ,shall tell him later,i'm sure he will love it but i'm already excited about it.hahahha.
Walking side by side holding hands,sitting on the grass,lying side by side.wee weee.hee

p/s: In life,patience is very important to carry on your everyday life.

2010-01-19T12:01:00.000+08:00

Mum have been nagging about me returning very late everyday.at times I can Be returning about 4,sometimes at 5 and latest was two days ago,at 6am.I'm now feeling so extremely bored and exhausted with no cigerretes with me and fcuking sound blasting the dinning area competing for my attention,I tried to seat outside yet the song is just too loud to ignore.even till now,it sadden me hearing the song "if I were a boy" . Ofcz it doesn't gave me such a big impact compare to a year ago. Now I'm a stronger woman and a happy woman with her dream guy and great friends around.

2010-01-17T00:46:00.001+08:00

CHAOTA!!!

Well since he was so envy when he sees me and ben taking shots PRETENDING to kiss.

I gave him one on the cheek,since he was like,"walao chaota you with me for so long,never before we took any shot like that" and so he continues to nag.hahhaha.

This was taken on Ben's birthday party.It was kinda a normal party,no drugs no alcohol,no club.

Anyway,happy 18th birthday Benjamin!!You look awesome on your party(:

Well after so long Chaota's birthday had passed,finally i passed his present,which i've bought 2 weeks before his birthday.

Its been so long,i've not met my love chaota!

He changed alottt,he looks much adorable now,and a lil bit more wild with his new piercing.

Well i can't deny that he look amazing with it but his innocence image had been disoriented by his piercing.i hope that going to be his one and only.

2010-01-13T04:57:00.000+08:00

This is my LOVE!!! My Chaota!! I love him so much!!!! He's my life too beside baby.I miss him sooo much.i've not met him for ages.And i really cant wait to meet him later at 5,hopefully time flies triple time faster because i really cant wait to see him.can't wait to see how much he change.well i got to know seconds ago,he pierced his ear.that's very saddening and surprising,he's brave enough to pierced.hee.Whatever it is,i just cant wait to see him,i'm sure to hug him so tight till he struggle.

Chaota,i love you so much and i promise to be there for you at all times.

2010-01-13T04:38:00.000+08:00

These are my greatest girlfriends of my life,they are the one that fill my life with fun and laughter.they are people that thought me things i didn't knew.Being there when i in need.
They are the girls that i treasure.
They are my beautiful girls.

I'm very grateful to have them in my life.

Love them lots!!

2010-01-13T04:23:00.000+08:00

I was quite upset due to the result i receive few days ago but i'm grateful still that i manage to take a step higher in life and moving on and start growing,

I'm not really that excited till i receive the result in two weeks time.I've yet to send in the form for the school and courses.
Guess i might be doing it tmr at baby's place.But before that i need to re look at it all over again before i make any wrong decision.So in the rush these days.

Right after i send in the choice of courses,spend a lil b it more time with baby then head to town to meet my love chaota to attend Ben's bd party.
Still having a confusion upon what to dress.

Well i'm glad to meet up and hang out with my lovely girlfriends the other day.really had lots of fun.
With my freedom to take any day off,i am having more time for my friends and baby.awesome,i loving it.

I'm planning to go out on Sunday with my old friend.He's a great guy,i've known him for a year plus and i'm glad we are still friends.He may not be the best guy to share problem with but he is the greatest guy for company.He never fail to feel my time with fun and laughter with his lame jokes and sarcasm.Anw for whoever reading this,i'm not playing behind my bf's back,my baby knows about him and our friendship.I hide nothing behind my baby.He can never be compared to any other guy because he is the greatest in my heart and life.Mummy and Family likes him and would love him to be my future.

p/s:i'm still scared with the result.hais

2010-01-09T01:59:00.002+08:00

I'm predicting this post will be quite an "emo" post.hahhahah

well i chose this picture for this post due to that double effect of myself.

recently i'm not feeling myself,as though there's someone else living in the same body with me.Basically does that make sense.

One day i feeling very happy.The next day i felt sad.

I don't really understand what is happening to me.I felt very upset when people disturb me,i felt as though all their jokes seems to be very harsh.

Unknowly it hurts me so bad till i lost my entire mood of the day.

One day I was evil and the next i became soft hearted.

i realised people can see my mistakes and talk about it so openly while i can't do it to them.

Its always been me who get this shit but not them.

fcuk i hate being the youngest.

One day i'm fine and the day i'm not.

Just over small little things,people make it so big.When they made mistakes,i forgive but when i make mistakes,they hates me.

well i guess,i'm just taking things too seriously.and from now on i wouldn't want to bother anything that is not related to me because that just gonna brought up into misunderstanding.

2010-01-08T14:34:00.000+08:00

HAHhahha,when i first enter my blog,my eyes was caught on by the picture of the roses.
i was wondering where is this picture coming from? At first i thought there's a picture error on my picture.I was staring at it till i read the post.hahahahh.

Thanks baby.hhahha.i love you so much.Thanks for calming me down and making me smile with your short Lil post.
Since its nearing people around me seems to be helping me to calm down due to my nervousness.
well frankly i'm really very worried.i don't seems to have any mood to eat and etc.

I shall end here,thanks everyone for the support and baby! i love you all and baby boy.MUACKS

2010-01-08T01:19:00.000+08:00

well,my gf's blog seems very empty,so im going to do her the favour of updating her blog!!im gonna give to her this. 3 roses..and that signifies "i love you!"...byk2 baby...and chill okayy...ur exams results will be fine...it wont be the end anyway...ur bf will be behind u all the way okayy...i love you baby!muuuacksss!!!

love,
baby rafee

2010-01-07T01:21:00.002+08:00

shall update soon.

2009-12-28T15:23:00.003+08:00

My new favourite.Play it and enjoy listening to my new favourite song while reading my posts.Thanks for reading:) and entering.
yaya love all of cha:)

2009-12-28T15:19:00.001+08:00

This is as usual my beloved crazy family.

Recently i just introduces Baby to all of them including dad and mum.

They seems to be liking and accepting baby as part of our family already.

sister say to my mum"hug uh bakal son in law"hahhaha.

Maybe sooner or later we gonna have our fun and crazy night out again and i'm sure baby gonna tag along too.Now there will be 4 couple instead of 3 couple and one single lady.hahha.

Today i woke up early to go out with my little mischievous talkative nephew,afik and akif.

When to have lunch with them and get them some toys since they give me one cute mug on their birthday.ehehhhe.

Right after this post i need to shut my com to prepare for werk.

Soon my werking place will have free wireless,kewl and great man.can be online and blogging all the time and active in facebook too.hhehhehe.

2009-12-25T15:56:00.000+08:00

Frankly i'm not lying about this part,i really HATE that fcuking bastard!!!!!!!!!!! urgh!!

I really cannot take him any longer!!!!

He pisses me off almost everyday and he never fail to yell everyday.

He have always been so irritating and a trouble maker.

He also have made my life miserable.

This bloody bastard i'm refering right now is my fcuking brother.

Before i leave the house i want to talk about this.

He is such a bloody fcuker!! He knows that my ipod is charging,yet he can just plugged it off.What a fcuker!!! I don't even know what he have done to my beloved "lil rafee"(name i call my i-touch)

when i asleep.

shit no time to elaborate more on it.gtg werk already.

shall continue this morning once i return from werk.

2009-12-25T14:27:00.001+08:00

Tomorrow is the day after so long that baby gonna be introduce to all my family members.

Even i'm feeling this intense which i doesn't know why am i feeling in such a way.

My parent is organising a birthday party for my 2 little nephew and all my family members including dad's friend, siblings, uncle, aunty, in laws and even the soon to be in laws are part of the family already:):);)

Insha'allah everything will go on fine and baby can get along with them.And i pray to god that baby will not be so shy and feeling awkward tomorrow.Insha'allah we will be bless.

The time finally arrived.The time i've been waiting for.The time i've been wanting to introduced baby to all my family members.

I love baby so much and i need my relationship to be bless from all my family members.

Well for now,mum seems to like baby but i need mum to love baby just as much as the love she gave to me.

2009-12-17T06:41:00.000+08:00

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh noooooooooooooooooooooo,another friend say i'm fat and getting fatter.oh man!!!
constantly getting such remarks,gosh thanks guys.
I'll go on diet alright,i've been trying,i lost and gain back again.ehhehehe.

Now i've not been eating much,then what more i should do?Well maybe on chocolates and my snacking.Fast food too especially.but i only eat once in awhile.

What is the thing that making me fat man.so confusing,finding the source,soon to discover and i will share it here.

for now i got to go back to sleep before baby scold me.

bye my lovelies.

2009-12-17T05:06:00.001+08:00

Basically i blogging right now to share something up,something which i was super surprised about.

Well again i couldn't sleep at this wee hour,so i told myself,

if just its raining i'm sure i could definitely sleep.

Just within minutes it start raining while it was a hot and stuffy night.Gosh what is this suppose to call,coincidence or god is hearing me.

This days i'm having lots of weird dreams,bad lucks and good lucks too.

Weird dreams like doomsday.

Is that a sign?

Well i guess i should make an innitiative to change for the better for myself.

2009-12-16T02:42:00.001+08:00

Well today at work was like hell.It's Tuesday yet it seems like Friday.Gosh wondering where this people come from.So busy,the crown is seriously unexpected.

With the crowd and all,i get easily angered by little things like what had happen just now.

I got my own Two table to handle injunction with table which is not well taken care of,i need to handle another three more table to keep the company name positive to prevent from complain such as bad services and all.

Good enough i entertain them by taking orders,set table,serve them yet they can fcuk me up.

This is so unacceptable.Its not my freaking fault yet i still got this shit.

Sometimes i feel like ignoring them but i felt bad,no one loves to be ignored especially in a restaurant you paid alot for.

But bad day ends with an happy ending,right after the crowd left,

this 3 gentlemen came along,sat on my table.They are such a nice people.They talk to me in a very polite tone.And without fail people asked me,am i mixed blood.i've been repeating myself almost twice a day.

Before i went for my break,they already cleared their bill.10 minutes later i went to have my break,once i return from my break,one of the gentlemen pointed to me to his friend.i just smiled.While i was standing behind the pillars,the gentlemen approach me and talk to me for awhile,complimenting about me.

He bring out his hand,i thought he wanted to shake my hand actually he wanted to hand in some tips to me.

Before i left for my break,they already wanted to give me some tips but i rejected but this time he gave me personally and asked me to keep it.

How nice of them.I felt quite bad because they were waiting for me to return from my break which i took quite sometime.gosh this is my second time encountering customer waiting for me to hand in tips personally in my hands.

I don't really mind about the tips,all i really need from the customer to be less demanding,commanding and less of their rudeness and more of their patience.I really appreciate that.i don't really need the tips all i need is just that.Thanks to some customer,they make my day.

2009-12-14T05:13:00.000+08:00

Update Update its 4:34am right now,again i'm not asleep yet.

Well this Wednesday hopefully plan will be going on as planned.Sweet T Outing.

We were too busy on working and working and didn't even have time for ourself and so this Wednesday we gonna have lots of fun having fun outside of work,finally having time for ourself.

Even if Sweet T outing is not happening i have a backup plan.heee.sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

On Sunday,i've planned the stuff to do plus backup plan too.hehehhe:)

kkk,change topic.Well these days,i've been going crazy over perfume man.hehehhe.

Last 2 weeks i bought Guess Gold,

Last week i bought Victoria Secret,

Days ago i bought DKNY Apple.

Next aim,Calvin Klein.

i want to have a new collecting of perfume bottle.I am not

going to keep the perfume because it gonna be a waste as soon enough my perfume gonna evaporate.

So i rather keep the bottle.ehehhehe.

Sadly my baby is not into perfume,at least if he do we can have both men and ladies perfume collection.hehhehe,

Currently i am having on what i need to buy list:

1)wallet(not gonna state the brand here) :):);)

2)dress

3)heel

4)fake eye lashes

2009-12-14T04:30:00.000+08:00

Went to Batam yesterday:):);) weeeeeeeeee.

It maybe me quite a bad day for me and baby but after all we still have lot of fun having each other by our side.Why did i say it was a quite a bad day.Firstly because i woke up late and almost missed the Ferry.Secondly baby get cheated by an Indonesian guy selling turtle egg.That was just the beginning of the trip and he already got cheated because he wanted to get me my fav egg.Thirdly because we almost missed the ferry back home as we were busy shopping.yeah but we take this as a lesson learned.

Without this problem we faced we wouldn't learned and gonna let this issue happen again on our next trip in the near future.

Next time i gonna bring a tripod along,so can take more of me and baby shots.heehehhe.

I just found out we got almost 800 pictures in my lappy.From the moment we get together and till now.woohoo thats alot,isn't that great.hehehhe.

2009-12-05T14:46:00.000+08:00

2009-12-05T05:19:00.002+08:00

At the end of a long days and hours thinking through upon the decision i going to decide,i decided to stay even though i insist of quitting the job.

Why i want to quit my current job?
Why did i chose to stay?

Two question i kept receiving from my friends.
Let me answer,
1st) i want to quit this job because
i had enough with unnecessary gossips and comment made.But what the management,bf and friends say is true,everywhere and anywhere,there sure this type of people.we can't stop what they want to say but we can just ignore.

2nd) it's because i thought i had very less time to spend for my parent and friends and boyfriends.

3rd) i got sick of doing the same old thing again and again and again,nothing seems to be spicing up my day.

Lastly i've been falling sick so frequently.My body getting weaker each day,my mood seems to be loosing everyday.

Next why did i chose to stay.
1st) Friends i made there had became part of my life,esp hilmi and kamma.
they always there for me and make me smile and laugh each time i'm down.they slowly had made me realized and understand and seeing things at a different view.
I never had a real true guy friend,and i finally have one.Hilmi is his name.He's always there,taking care of me,being there when i in need,giving a listening ears,make me happy and many many more.He have done so much for me and i'm clueless why is he being extremely nice even though he expect nothing but just a smile on my face.

2ND)The part-timer there are such a cool kids.Casper,Chris,Darren,Clearance,Jocelyn and more.They may be young but frankly they are such a great kid.Each of them are just so special in their own ways.
I'm sure to miss them if i leave or they leave to start school.

3rd)i just get used and comfortable in working twd.there's no other place that make me feel as confortable as this:)

2009-12-01T16:10:00.001+08:00

while waiting for baby to end school,i occupied my time by dl songs after songs after songs for my new baby!!!!
gosh this is my very first time receiving such an expensive gift and thank you so much baby.
i gonna take care of it just like how i take care of you.weeeeeeeeeeeee.
i will name my new born baby, Lil rafee.hehehhehe.

Baby and i gonna head to east coast to blade and have some quality time together.its been awhile man.
i just can't wait for the clock to strike 5.blading across the beach,let me describe the setting and portray the beginning mood,hahahhahah,it's not happening yet but just occupying my time with my wild imagination which begins with the illusion of sweet couple blading and strolling across the beach,taking amazing pictures of them to keep and share with our family and friends and also for ourself

People may say its fast and some may say our relationship are slow but to me it doesn't matter because all that matters is baby still by my side loving me as much as i do.
Still laughing,smiling and crying together.heee:):);)
This relationship has been great and even greater every single obsticle we manage to go through and every single problem and issues we manage to solve together.
Nothing can seperate us apart unless my mouth start to talk nonsense again.hahahha,sometimes i feel like retarded man.hahhaha,talking bullshits which sounded so real but bottom line i didn't even want it but it always come out so furiously.hehehehhe,and now i laughing at myself thinking how pathetic i can be at times.hhehhehe

Baby its our special day,and i wish we gonna enjoy and treasure today just as much we treasure each other.
i love you so much and when i say you're my everything it means you're my everything alright!!!
see you later syg.
muacks!!

2009-11-29T14:47:00.000+08:00

i don't really want to blog anything that happenned yesterday.Its just to disastrous to even think about it again.
i want to erase what had happened and pretend as though nothing actually happen.
i hurt my baby enough and from today onwards i made my decision not to drink without baby around.
yesterday i drank 5 mug of weizen.how cool can that be,i didn't know that i could drink that much.
and i know i've went too far to the point i get home drunk for 2 days straight in a row.
I barely could control my words,action and tone.
i'm sorry baby.
and i love you baby.

Definetly gonna change job soon real soon!

2009-11-27T13:45:00.002+08:00

oh no,i'm back to my eating habit.
i used to eat 1 meal a day now its 4-5 times more!!oh gosh,i guess i gonna gain back !!
What can i say,i eat 4 times from the moment i woke up till now.
mummy cook extremely two thumbs up dishes for Hari Raya Haji.
Gonna bring some of it to werk to share among my friends at work.
Good food are meant to be shared.

Okay i gonna follow my diet schedule like how i used to!!! 48kg!! i'm coming for youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!

Suddenly the feeling of exhaustion and sadness arouse me,i miss everyone especially the girls,
its been awhile since i hang out with them.Oh my,i should plan something so that all of us get get together again but all of us are busy with our own stuff.
i miss my sisters too.
i miss my boyfriend.
i miss all the fun and laughter that we used to have before all this started.ALL THIS??? work laaaaaaaa.

i gonna work hard this week,and save for 1st and 10Th!!
wah how fast can the time flies,soon it gonna strike 011209.Another amazing month.But sadly it falls on Tuesday,i wonder if baby gonna have his driving lesson on that day.
gosh canttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt waitttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.
i love you baby!!!!!!!

2009-11-27T13:16:00.000+08:00

BABY RAFEE!!

His hair looks much neater now------------------------i like:)

His hair gonna look much cooler with his new hair colour which will outstand his naugty image----------------------i like:)

BABY YAYA!!

She gonna have her hair done tmr or the day after tmr----------------------i like:)

The following week she gonna have her hair coloured-------------------------i like:)

Therefore Baby RAFEE&YAYA

They gonna have fresh look,next week------------------------i like:)

Fresh image for his birthday----------------------i like:)

Fresh new couple----------------------------i like:)

Oh my gosh i can't wait!!!

2009-11-26T11:54:00.001+08:00

i just got this feeling of quiting and get another interesting job,but i'm lazy to.
i got sick and tired of going to the same place almost 6days a week.
Facing the same old problem,eating the same old thing,doing the regular things.
so sick very sick and tired.
All i know no job can be as chill,easy and fun as this.

that's the reason why,i asked baby to work with me.But because his mum says that if
bf and gf works together at the same place is not a good idea ........
i didn't ask my mum because my mum would be asking me back the same question,"do you think is good?" hahhahha.
Decision still under pending.

The only days which i'm not bored at work is when those times everyone were together and times when
baby come to me bringing me dinner and stuff i craved.The other day i was craving for famous amos and mos burger plus dunhill frost,baby brought all of them for me!!!!!!!!!!!
we may not be a new couple nor a long couple but all i know we still love each other just as much as before.He never stop to make me happy,smile and laugh.
never fail to make me fall for him all over again everyday.
it makes me feel like a princess for ones.heee.
i love it when we had dinner together,days like that are special and i appreciate baby more each time.
thanks baby once again:):):) i sayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag baby.

Later i going back to work again:( week of 7 days,the only 1 day i looked forward is Tuesday or Wednesday.
which is my off day,and on these day i will either spend my day with my baby and only him with nobody else.
unfortunately only for 11 hours,i want more more more because i can never had enough of him
or spend my day with friends or family.

p/s:i want to ride bike to werk:(:(:(

2009-11-21T15:22:00.001+08:00

Day after day,mum never fail to talk to me about smoking.

She wants me to quit it soon,as soon as possible.

First she's just worried upon my health and worried that dad gonna spot my cigarette pack in my bag which she never fail to see everyday.

And its expensive,she hated me spending money on cigarette.

Today my dad was shock seeing me to hold a broom right after i wash up,i swept twice then mop twice.

I return back to my room,and did a card for him.

I wrote stuff which i know wouldn't come out from my mouth.so yeah.

got to rush,late for work .hahahaha,

2009-11-20T12:36:00.003+08:00

My leg never hurt this bad before.The pain is unbearable.Almost unbearable.
I wonder how am i suppose to walk and work in this condition.
I wouldn't want to think how it happen because its just terrible.And the second hit at the same spot is even much painful than the previous.This is not a fight or what.Chill man,don't be so fanatic minded.hahhaha.

Mum is even worst,out the blue say "moto???!" hahaha,she thought baby have a bike and thats the reason upon the unjury,fall from the bike.hahhah! Baby himself working so hard to get his car licence.Even if i fell from the bike when baby driving,mum would just advise me to take public transport each time if we go out together,bike is the most dangerous vehicles on the road.My family had never allow to get bike licence but my brothers all are just too rebellious to listen.Now each and everyone had their own bike and car licence.They start with a bike and now car.

back to topic,it hurtsssss!!!!!!!
i never would want to play with anyone till so rough.no actually i didn't play rough game with anyone except for nat,i don't even know why we started to play roughly as though i'm a guy and as though i'm his enemy,i hope from today onward,all rough game stops because i don't wanna injured myself more and i must bring my feminine side from now on.well its fun being me but it sucks at some point of time when ppl tend to go over my head with it.

2009-11-19T14:31:00.001+08:00

The past 3 days have been super great and fun man.Was out of home for 2 nights,and first night i intended to party at zirca but i change my mind to drink at east coast with Hilmi adel and nat.Freaking fun like hell man.First person down;Siti Yaya.hahahha!! After so long,i finally get drunk again.
Fun continue till 7am.Then return to Adel's place.

The next day,we= me hilmi azmi siti chris ali nat adel rafee farid,since its our off day we decide to have some fun at Pyramid.hahhaha,i guess we are the only group there laughing from 9 pm till 1.30am non stop hit.hahahha And i return back with a bad tummy ache.

The following day,right after baby finishes his driving lesson,i went to meet up with him.Miss baby so much.I'm touched by his drawing.it look a LITTLE like me.hahahha.My teeth and lips and nose look so weird,hahaha,but from far,yes the drawing does look like me.hahha.how sweet my baby is.
Nowadays i becoming much more comfortable with his mum.hahaha,i love when she laugh.hahah.
She say i am like a small girl.hahhah,just because i write small little notes and many other stuff that i did that make me look like a small girl.its okay,small girl are adorable.hehehe.

sorry for this short and not detailed post,i'm rushing for time.going werk soon.

2009-11-16T12:58:00.000+08:00

weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! it's finally Monday and its payday!!

Zirca is waiting right after werk!wooohooo.

Let me disturb baby right here,Gosh baby,are you sad that you are not able to join me,

are you worrying if i might be going about with club boy or any other guy?Worried and continue worrying baby??? hahhahaha!! Okay that's just evil for a girlfriend to say that.hahahha.

My baby is just the greatest,he trust me and he knows me damn well and he knows himself better.

How could i leave him just over some ridiculous clubbers.

He knows,i never look at nor look for clubbers.

He knows how much i love him and how much he means to me,

and mainly the reason why he doesn't worry that much even if i go party with my friends and without him.

i love my baby so much,his my one and only and i will love nobody nobody but him.

muackssssssssssss!!

oh yeah baby,i'll be staying over at sp place.woohoooooooooooo!!!!

later right after werk you gimme a call kay.

ni dah kenape i bbl kat sini sia,nampak sah u will text me sia in few minutes.hahahah.

okay okay i go get prepare for werk.

If i tak reply u nanti,its bcz i really busy with werk,i dreamt today will be lots of ppl.but i doubt so uh as it always turns out the opposite plus i got course to go.so yeah.just text me,if i go for break witch i never fail to do every 1 hr,i'll reply.kay syg,goodbye,my last post for today.

2009-11-13T14:41:00.000+08:00

:(:(:(:(:(

Later my beloved brother and sister going for another siblings outing.But unfortunately i cannot join them:(:(

They asked me to get an early leave.hahha,

they think they own the restaurant uh can anyhow take early leave.hahhaha,

shit uh,i gonna miss all the fun and excitement.

i miss my brother and sister!!

2009-11-12T11:03:00.001+08:00

pending post.gonna write it once i reach home later after work.i going off for another job interview with a better pay.hehehhe.wish me luck.

i'm here to resume.hee

Okay,yesterday i went to sign up interview with bosini,adidas,topshop.

But sadly,they can't accept friends to work together.

Okay mainly i wanna talk about my boyfriend,

recently i getting more mad and insane over that small freaking matter.

And every time we talk about it,i feel myself being possessed as the next day when we talk about it,

i can't remember every single thing i say to him.

i hate it when i became so hush towards my baby,but the shit is each time that particular girl is being mention,i get so mad .But in any other time,i can control my tamtrum.

Ever since i started working,i missing my baby alot,i remember each time i see him,

i can actually laugh and make my heart smile just by looking at his face.hahah.

It's just to sweet and funny to me.haha.

Then every time he try to imitate me.hahahha,that's the most hilarious part because he always thinks

he imitate me exactly the same but the truth is he over react it.ahhahaha.

His face is totally like cb sia.hahahhahha,

serious,super cute went he do it and sometimes i feel like killing him for imitating me.hahha.

it look awful sometimes uh.hahha.

2009-11-11T02:05:00.000+08:00

I may be oblivious about some stuff,but things like friends i know who is good and who is bad,who to keep and who to leave.

The months I've been working there,i know who are the friends that i can trust and who i mustn't trust.

A friend like Hilmi is the only one so far I've make up my mind to trust and to consider keeping till the end.

He always there to give me a listening ear when i'm down or mad at work.

Comforting me and cheering me up.

Today i was quite a little mad with him.not much but just little,its because i actually waiting for him to have his break but when i was going to break i saw him seating down eating.

I approach and say" i thought you are suppose to call me once you're done?"

i was quite hungry and weak as i've not been eating the whole day,but when i wanted to eat,my friend told me,dinner is finished.

"A hungry man is a angry man"

i left and return to my section,he approach and apologies.Indeed i forgive him but i just kept quiet.

i was really hungry plus babyboy is busy with his stuff,I've not been hearing him since i started work.

When i hungry,baby always the one that will ask me to eat and etc.

i start doing my work,and i heard the singer say "this song is dedicated to yaya""i'm sorry ......" i couldn't hear anything after that i'm sorry.it was an apology from Hilmi."i hope yaya,is hearing this"the singer continue.

and started singing.

i couldn't stop myself from smiling.

From that moment in time,i realised i've actually found a true guy friend.

2009-11-10T13:30:00.001+08:00

I LOVE MY BABY BOY!

This cake was made for baby,and this was my first ever time giving someone such cake.

I hope he really love it,but through his face expression,yeah he do love it la duh!!hahahhah.

he don't like,i kill him sia.hahha

well not only him that say it taste good but also my other friends."two thumbs up"

thanks sp.

It may not look good (appearance wise) but it surely taste great in the inside.

He have always been the special one in my heart.

And i never thought to take that special person from my life.

He have been an incredible,

recently ever since i start work,i'm not able to see my charming baby but still he never fail

to text and call him at work.

Even how exhausted i am,once i heard from baby,i feel good once again.hehhe.

I love him so much because with no one i used to share my love and happiness and with no one who truly cares for me and now i got one.

I don't need nothing much but just true love from him.

People keep talking things they assume from their eyes,but baby still trust me more than those strangers.

i know some people(you and i know) will try to divide something so real,so till the end of time,i'm telling you,i will go no where but only to you baby.

thanks baby for giving me the trust and all.i love you baby.

no one can get in the way of what i'm feeling.trust me.

i sayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag you!!

2009-11-09T12:01:00.004+08:00

I MISS MY HAIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!

Look at that AH BENG wanna be,beside me.hahhahahha.

I kept laughing each time i thought back upon those times she with her harry potter specs,long freaking skirt like caixia skirt,ahhahahha,and her drinker stomach.well ofcz she change.like duh.hahhahah.
I think she look cute now.

While i think i degrading.i don't know why i just feel with this constantly gaining fats making me feel i getting worse sia.I no longer looks as fair as before,as slim as before and as whatever as before uh.
i fear so much to get fat,I've been forcing myself from eating,eating my favourite food which mainly is fattening food.i love eating but i always over eat.at work,to prevent myself from eating,i smoke,smoke and smoke.while people eat i smoke.

No one would understand this fear I've been having in mind.
i always wish to be a stewardess even for 3 or 4 years would be fine.
If i manage to get in,that shows i got good figure but not for now,that's the reason why i slimming down so in the near future i can join them:):):) But needing to leave family behind is the hardest part but if baby would become a pilot,i don't mind.hehhehehe.
baby is trying to support me and encourage me to eat a healthy balance diet food,but sometimes i forgot,i will just drop by and eat nasi ayam penyet,chocolate bar,caramel and etc:(:(:(
i wonder how if i actually became extraordinary fat.

I DONT WANT!!!!nooooooooooooooo!!
i rather be anorexic!
can you people see how much i fear being fat.
No time to get things change in life.target by next month!!! top to bottom change.weeee!!

2009-11-09T11:23:00.000+08:00

How weird,i actually misses all this mat rep.
Their presence in school had made it a memorial ones.

Especially during the camp,mat rep with their mat rep spot,esplanade,making my bang as the esplanade,"esplanade pa? hahhaha,wtf.super hilarious,Hiding behind the huge tree behind to smoke,sharing jacket to keep each other warm.Everything just left us with a sweet and bitter memories.

2009-11-09T10:51:00.000+08:00

Okay i'm still wide awake.It's okay,in this post i wanna talk about my parents.

While i was awake,I've been thinking about how hard my parent have been working to grow 6 very mischievous kids.And everyone have now grown up perfectly fine with complete of everything,shelter,food,gadget,money,clothes and etc.
My mum always there to cheer me up ,make me happy at all time because she knows i in need of their attention and love so she always will try doing every possible ways to make me happy by asking what i want to eat and she will cook for me,or cooking for me my favourite food.Or buy for me my favourite black chocolates.hehhehe.
She always there to protect me when i being scold by father or being beaten up by father.She doesn't mind getting hurt than seeing me hurt.
No one can imagine the strength of my father when he gave his flying tight swing,the impact feels like million of needles just pierce through your face.
I've trying to give them less problem but frankly i doesn't know what I've went wrong every time.
My mum knows that i am a good daughter comparing to some girls out there.
I'm just like any young girl always by her boyfriend and girlfriends returning home late almost everyday and smokes,that's all I've done but to father this is among the worst.good enough,i'm not like those girls who drinks,taking drugs,tattoo and piercing.i always try to make my parent happy esp my father but there's nothing i can do to make him happy,good result doesn't make him happy,open all my piercing doesn't make him happy,treating them doesn't make him happy,it seems nothing can make pleased him.

2009-11-09T04:21:00.000+08:00

quite convincing.hehhehe.Okay this is my last post,not sleepy just just gonna try to close my eyes and slowly drift myself to sleep.goodnight !

2009-11-09T04:04:00.000+08:00

well i can't sleep due to the headache and stomach ache.i guess its due to consuming medicine with empty stomach.gosh its 4 am.okay since i can't sleep,i thought i could do something till i fall asleep,so i decided to watch 2012 documentary,i thought this can make me sleepy but i'm so wrong this scaring me even more instead and making me afraid to sleep because the more i watch it the more i'm starting to believe which believing is wrong,i know. okay,resume.hehehhe.

2009-11-08T14:39:00.000+08:00

This is my one dearest brother.indeed i do love him just like my own.But the most asshole part of him is,he love to trigger me just like how younger brother always irritate his older sister.Now i texting him,he taking million years to reply,damn ass!!!
Hopefully i got my pics with nat soon from hilmi cam.Super adorable,shall post up soon.
Okay,got to go prepare for work.
byebye.

2009-11-08T13:12:00.000+08:00

i gonna start my job as a receptionist this Monday.gosh i'm just worry if i couldn't be able to memorized the table number within days.yeah now it make sense when people say"which job is easy" Well the most looking forward part of this role is to ans the phone and say "hi Twd" hahahhaha,how cool.hehhe.i wonder can i still go break like how i always do before when i under Hilmi section.I think if i'm not be able to handle this job,i just transfer back to waitress then.hehhehee. Too slack can be very boring.But at least Siti there to brighten my day.First time sia working together with her. OMG TMR IS THE DAY.heee.I gonna work 5 days a week,and i only got to see baby maybe once or twice if he got time then would be thrice a week.i gonna miss him effing much.like seriously .haiz.

I love baby as much as i love my mummy,but ofcz this is two different kind of love i'm talking about.whatever it is,i love my baby alot.sometimes when i thought upon my past partner,i find myself doltish to even enter into relationship with them.frankly its "eeeeeeeeeeiw" for some guys not all aite ,as there still a guy that i did fallen in love with.
I'm glad i'm with baby now,a guy that i love and love me as much as i do maybe much more.baby i sayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag you you you and only you!! hhehehe

2009-11-08T00:41:00.002+08:00

just return from tawandang:):);)
firstly its a super two thumbs up event,i love it
secondly, me and baby took plenty of great shots which i gonna post up afew and the rest on face book.
gosh we look great just like super model u know! i love it.
One of my Hr staff ,yati say my baby look like Korean.hahahha,how adorable.
Thirdly,sp look gorgeous.well i think she got a taste of super model a Lil bit.hehe.
And lastly i wanna say about one freaking issue.
i would like to seek for forgiveness if this post would be fill up with outrageous vulgarities.

FCUK la,If you don't like me being loud,telling you its not my fcuking business.
i don't give a fcuking damn if i irritate your ears.
that's my personality,loud and outgoing,
who do you think you are to change me,with your fcuking stare and dirty big mouth talking behind my back,Frankly i don't give a fcuking damn about it.
that's who am,i love being me,due to this cheerful personality of mine,that makes me a happier person who never fail to make my baby and friends smile everyday.
i made great friends with this personality,if you are annoyed seeing me making new friends within seconds,than blame yourself for being who you are.
i love working there due to the people there,they never fail to make me laugh and smile wide but with your presence,it makes no different at all because i always thought you were invisible in my eyes.
i brought my boyfriend,does that concern and bother you?
not at all.
i'm with my boyfriend yet i still spoke and laugh together with my guy friends there,is it wrong to you?
Nat and i have been close for years,we hug and kiss,and his 14,and his just a brother to me,does that concern you?
hey like seriously its TOTALLY NONE OF YOUR BUSSINESS TO INTERFERE.
carry on talking and bullshitting,i know who my friends and who i need.
i don't owned you a living,so if you hate me then fcuk off,don't look at me,even a glance.
i don't need your freaking minah stare alright.

p/s: hahhahaha,you're so lame.

2009-11-07T13:25:00.001+08:00

Weeeee,i the moment I've been waiting for have finally arrived!!
i can't wait can't wait!!
But the shitty part is I've not decide what to wear and what kind of hairstyle.hee:)
I gonna introduce baby to Hilmi today,since i gonna start work there baby should know who are the people I've been hanging out with.
In conjunction Hilmi is one guy i regard very important to me in friend terms uh,so i would like baby to know him too.
Baby already talk to Siti my another bestest friend and sister.
i love this two the most of all in tawandang beside Sp.hahhaha.
well i need to get prepare now,
wish sp good luck,hope she can win man!!!
LOVE SP ALOT.

2009-11-06T13:45:00.001+08:00

this days me and baby got photos taken from a few other cameras around,but sadly all are baby's friends,so like ps to ask them and send me through fb,so nvm la.hahhaha.

and all those shots looks adorable uh.damn.wasted.should get that camera I've been eyeing for soon,very soon.
well tomorrow baby and i gonna celebrate our belated monthsary.
on the day itself,we were by each other side on the hour when it strike midnight.we spend the night together.baby was half drunk and start walking with his hands instead of legs.hahahhah.
at the end of the day i still have lots of fun even though i didn't drink.
anyway frankly i don't drink no more,even how hard people pursuit me,i can resist them and push the offer away.hee.

we actually gonna have our dinner at Tawandang,but sadly the tickets i booked had been taken away.
Plus the motive is also to support sp,but i wonder how now,I'll try my best to see what i can do.
I was actually looking forward for it.and now....................
Damn.

2009-11-05T11:51:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was my last paper,directly after paper went back home,meet sp then straight to tawandan.

the place where you release all stress and enjoy man.hehhehe.

went there to company sp with her meeting at the same time hangout with my working friends.

miss them so much uh.almost all of them.but the sad part is some of them gonna transfer to east coast.

i wonder how the atmosphere gonna be like without them.

gonna return back to work real soon.

weeeeeeee,can buy for mum & dad present.ofcz not forgetting baby too.hehehe.

2009-11-05T11:35:00.000+08:00

ANOTHER PAIN.

This time I'm experiencing a secondary dysmenorrhea .It sounded serious isn't it,but it's a medical term for more complicated menstruation cramp:)
symptoms accompanying my menstrual cycle: dull, throbbing pain in my lower abdomen, back, and possibly throughout my legs. Nausea, vomiting, diahrrea, dizziness, and sweating.
And its excessively painful its almost unbearable,i swear.
This feeling makes me feel as though i'm dying real soon:(:(:,

even mummy says " why your face so pale ,macam nak mati besok gitu?" hahahha.what a decription,"like gonna die tmr" choi uh! touch wood.

one after another.i really got to get more health food ,fruits and veg.less of this ;kfc,mac,pastamania,sakura and so on. don't want to die that early uh. heeee.

2009-11-05T09:09:00.002+08:00

BEFORE!!!!

AFTER

DAMN!!! now its obvious in my eyes!! its totally proven!! :(:(:(

i really did gain weight not just one or two kg but 9 kg to be exact.

not going to state my weight down.NEVER.

I thought baby just trying to trigger me by saying i gain weight i gain weight.

Even SPY says i gain weight!

Even mum and bro too,"kau diet diet pun asl makin gemuk sak" DAMN THEY USED THE WORD GEMUK ON ME"

Yeah,baby trying to control my eating diet now.stopping me from eating all fattening food,ofcz he allow me once in a blue moon.hehhehe.

each time i want to take lift ,he will drag me to take the escalator or the stairs.

well maybe from the 3rd floor to 1st floor:):) heee.

i must be determined and be strong to resist all the fattening food!!!

target every month loss 2 kg!! hopefully i can make it.hee.

i want to be just like how i used to look like:(:(:(

i think in terms of apprearance wise,i'm degrading .

well theres alot of work to be done before i can tranform back.

AIM;48KG!!

YAYA CAN SURELY DO IT! OH HELL YEAH ~!

2009-10-29T14:23:00.000+08:00

i thought i could leave the house soon,but my brother suddenly need my help. alamak!Gonna be late and out of schedule definetly.

Okay this is when i want to start with serious matter.
ever since the exam started,i've been observing even more things.i thought i could just share how i feel,but when i think of it again,i decide there's nothing to share about.

i wanted to write this post longer but i don't want this post leading to different view than mine.so i decice keeping it short.
it sucks keeping this matter to myself.how disturbing can this be.

2009-10-28T11:34:00.003+08:00

MATHS PAPER 2 :(:(:(

In the end i tend to think of how it began.
I could never explain the answer i gave,i know my stuff well yet why did it actually happen.
Now i couldn't explain how i'm feeling taking the paper 2.
What's done is done,i could just pray hard and do my very best on my paper later at 2.
Hopefully it might help to pull up my result.

Keep my eyes focus this time.I've waited long for this and i not gonna waste my chance and time for this.
I've been through thick and thin,I've struggle through this years,and i hate to think of doing my Os another year again.I got to,because ite isn't the place for me.I would rather take O level again and again than entering ite.
It's not that i'm saying ite is bad or what,but it's because i got short attention spend,i get carried away very easily.so yeah.

i kept mentioning ite,not that i got no confidence but it's just my backup plan.
i don't always aim for the sun and get the stars like some people do.
I aim for a chicken and roaster then slowly breed it.hehehehheheh:):):)(slowly imagine uh) hee
in other words,i down give myself very high aims,because i know the impact of not getting it is sucks to the extreme.

Okay i gonna continue on my revision.
amin.

2009-10-26T11:58:00.000+08:00

Well i should get prepare for my very first paper of the week!!
weeeeeeeeeee,the time finally arrived.
The moment I've waiting for the whole lifetime.
Get this done as fast so there will be one paper less to do.
damn!! i'm kinda having a mix feeling of good and bad.Bad its because i'm nervous which i don't even know the reason why and Happy because i got 1 paper less.hee:)

Okay i should get going:):);)
bye byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

2009-10-25T14:45:00.002+08:00

After O's,i definitely need to get my life back.

This Os making me insane.Never before i felt my life was super lifeless.

Of Course it is not as lifeless as you people thinks but to me this

life i'm living now is totally lifeless.

Everyday,staring in front of books that i'ver been staring for years for 7 hours.

No time to go on date with baby no more.

No time to spend with friends.

No time for everything.

How great and amazing,a week after Os,there's a party and with no hesitation,

I'M GOING!!

Sadly baby cannot gooooooooooooo!!! ahhahahha!!

He got school.
But nevermind there still other event right.

i'm not sure should i return back to tawandan.
But if i do,i'm not able to meet baby unless i'm taking part time.
i guess tawandan would just be my last choice.But i miss the fun and joy working there plus
Adel Nat and Chris is there too .

In just 2 weeks,everything is over.
Well i'm for sure gonna get a job right after my last paper,

2009-10-19T23:44:00.004+08:00

Dr Yaya;

ONE BILLION of people die from smoking in a year but smokers don't think they going to die.
And although smokers do know that they are at increased risk of developing heart disease and cancer, they think that it is always someone else’s risk.

Baby just had his nose bleed yesterday.I'm so worried to the extend i stop him from smoking immediately.
I felt so bad after that,but i'm just doing this for his own good.And i know he will call me and asked if he could smoke even if he told me the night before after a long persuasion,he wouldn't.hahahha.

i let him because once people decide they want to quit, most of them could.But if they still have doubts, it will be a quite difficult,like baby.of course i understand my baby,i knew he couldn't stop immediately.
No actually he could but because of the peer pressure around him makes him feels like smoking too.
It's not easy to see ALL your friends smokes but only you doesn't,it feels very outnumbered,not in place and really weird.

Within 20 minutes of quitting smoking, our blood pressure and heart rate will normalise. And in about 12 hours, the carbon monoxide and nicotine levels in our blood will reduce by half.
By 24 hours, the oxygen levels in our blood will normalise and our immediate risk of heart attacks falls. But to reduce the immediate risk of heart attacks similar to that of non-smokers, it will take another 14 years.
Due to all this facts,i'm trying to persuade baby to quit smoking with me as soon as possible.

2009-10-19T22:45:00.000+08:00

Actually i do have a good sense "shop smart" and baby don't believe it.
Yesterday went out with Faiz to get for his Ex gf a present and we actually manage to get 2 thing within that barget and timing,how great.It's like Oprah big give;spending a certain amount of money wisely for a given limited time.
Faiz just proven to be a good promoter.hahaha.IInstead of the sales girl,promoting the bag,he became the promoter who promote the bag in a gay way.hahhaa.how entertaining.
Alternatively i should be the one ,carrying the bag to let him see,it goes the other way round,he carries the bag and I see.heee.
And it look super hilarious seeing a muscular guy,carrying a girl handbag.
Well since he love to disturb me,it's my turn to get every slightest revenge i could.hehehhe.

After we got the bag,we went to get the dress.
This is the shit,i chose for him this dress,since he took so long to decide,i made his life easier by me
wearing it on for him to see.
I didn't expect the dress that i hold was FREE SIZE as it look super XS. my goodness.
But since i offer the help,i couldn't take it back.
So i tried wear in on,i took so long to wear it on and took to take it off.I almost tear the dress uh.hahahha,okay that's too exaggerating,but no,it really super tight to the extent that my breast pops out,see nothing but breast.
i was kinda happy as i see no tummy even with that super tight fitting dress.weeeee.i slim down!yeyeye.

2009-10-17T00:42:00.002+08:00

its been awhile since i update my blog.

super busy these days.

Oh yeah,ever since the story of Ris Low was out,

i've doing lots of research and check out during my spare time.Seriously every single thing about her just cracks me up because it's just superlatively hilarious.hee

2009-10-11T13:13:00.000+08:00

well i'm so proud of myself that i actually manage to overcome this issue myself.
i thought i gonna throw tantrum at baby,but i realised minutes later,I've change.
finally i can see changes in myself so clear like a glass.
i thought i gonna start a war again with baby,but i realised i'm stronger than i thought,my mind is taking control my sensitiveness.isn't that amazing.
i thought i gonna take longer than this.hehehhe.
YEY ME!

yesterday was just awesome.
celebrating my love Sp birthday!
gonna post about it once i got the pictures.

and that's all for today,i going out right now.gonna be late for sure as usual.hehehehe.

2009-10-10T12:45:00.000+08:00

Baby don't say those words no more.

You ain't a bad boyfriend,you're wrong when you say you fail to make me happy,you're wrong about every negative thoughts you got.so wrong.

i still thought i'm still dreaming,still sleeping,still living in a life of fairytale because a guy like you is just too good to be true.
I'm so lucky to have you by my side.
You change my whole life.You make me feel and experience the real meaning of love.You have given me the greatest happiness in my life.

all the pain and tears i cause and yet you never say goodbye.
i know i let you down many times.But now,I've change a lil right baby.see i told you.

i will be,all that you want.I'll get myself together because you always there to keep me from falling apart.
telling you baby,all my life I'll be with you forever.
yesterday was the first time we hang up with no"i love you" . i can't sleep and yet i didn't reply your text but it's because i want to prevent myself from saying unpleasant words,i don't want to hurt you no more.
i don't want live without you.because i know i can never ever live without you.

p/s:don't worry baby,it doesn't hurt when it heals.

2009-10-10T00:44:00.004+08:00

this gonna be one real long post.

summarized; -unbearable pain.

-step mum and sis!

-solution.

well this few days,I've been getting real mad easily with my family.

Every now and then without warning.

i can really be mean sometimes,cursing and swearing.(not right at their face)

Firstly that spike everything up was when i found out that chocolate that baby bought for me from Korea was gone.i was totally out of control when i found out about it.

i didn't even get the chance to taste even one of it but next moment everything is gone.

i thought i could keep it,for memories.

so when time passes i would remember upon the moment when baby leave me for 8 days.

maybe you people can say it's just a freaking chocolate,

you're wrong! totally.

shall not elaborate more on this because night later baby suddenly called me to meet him under my block right away.

i thought he was just joking,but indeed it wasn't.

baby came with another bottle of chocolate bought from Korea.

i gonna keep that like treasure.

thank you so much baby!

i didn't even expect that would ever happen.i love you so much baby.

that is really sweet of you.you kept me smiling the whole night till i fall asleep.

another piece of evidence that i found my DREAM GUY and we are meant to be.hehhee.

secondly today,when my sister and step mum trying to find fault with me.

"just shut the fcuk up,it's not your fucking business to interfere in mine because you ain't my parent after all so just fcuk off"

yes recently I've been having this habit to just spit all this out.

i know i got to be patient ,very !

She's just envy of me!

unfortunately when she is at my age,she didn't receive this luxury this freedom this happiness,

and so now she came back to ruin my life.

i should had listen to mummy to keep all this a secret.

i thought my sister and step mum have change but i'm wrong.

i know i ain't your daughter nor sister from your mother but we have been living together ever since i'm born.what is there the need to treat each other differently?

my mum doesn't treat you guys differently.my mum take care of your son and daughter,my mum cook for you,my mum helps you when you guys in need.

my mum did so much but what did she get in return;PAIN!

What i got in return for being nice,helpful,caring;PAIN!

The pain is almost unbearable.

only mum and i understand what's going on.

maybe what baby said was true.

I've been encountering this issues not once not twice,i mustn't be frustrated over it instead i should be more calm.i should be getting used to it but why am i getting all kind of impatient every time.

i should react at this matter philosophically because After a storm comes a calm.

mummy knows the excruciating pain i'm encountering these days.

she return home with my favourite tahu baka.hehehhe.

thanks mummy,really cheer me up.

p/s:if the mountain will not go to Mahomet,Mahomet must go to the mountain.

2009-10-04T00:58:00.001+08:00

Just reach home 30 mins ago.

oh well today went to meet baby and ayd and co.

they had drink awhile later we had dinner than headed to sheesha.

well thanks to ayd and baby,it really makes me feels better due to freaking Old "HOLY" WOMAN.

She's like katak di bawah tempurung uh.

Firstly,what i wore is just what young girl like me wore at this age.

Secondly,she got no right to comment it loudly,

i ain't her daughter or what so ever,why she care.non of her bussiness la.

who does she thinks she is?(holy woman)ustazah?god?

Don't freaking need your comment uh.

why didn't she just approach at my face and give me a holy talk.

Totally ridiculous uh,it's just wearing a top with an exposed tummy,

have she ever saw girls just wearing a super duper short top and a freaking mini mini skirt,

or bikini,girls with tattoo all over their body,piercing all over their face and so on uh.

My bf just by my side uh.first thing in my mind is was how baby feels.

At that freaking moment i just freaking fcuk up,because it's not only me feeling that way at that moment,

i knew my bf sure felt the same way as i do.

2009-10-03T14:19:00.004+08:00

i know i'm that mean girlfriend of yours.

i know i'm unreasonable at all times.

i know i always disappoint you.

i know i always hurts you.

i know i'm stubborn.

i know i always make you mad.

And telling you from today i going to throw all this unreasonable acts,i will stop being mean,i will stop hurting you,i will not make you mad no more.
i regret each time i hurt you,i tried my very best to stop myself from hurting you but it's always
out of my control.
i don't even know what is wrong with me now.
i love you so much and yet i always hurt you.
"why" is that question i kept asking myself.
You don't deserve all that.you always say it's your fault but never once i thought it's entirely your fault.
We have went through so much,i guess its time for us to learn from the past and avoid it in future.

you gonna start school soon,we no longer could spend more time with each other but there sure a solution to it.

I've realised upon my mistakes after i send that email to you.
from today i will erase all the unpleasant past,we will start a fresh.
i will do everything for your happiness baby.

i will forget all about your past and etc,we have fight more than enough about it.
which i find myself so lame to pick on a fight about it.hehehhehe.
like seriously i'm asking myself why did i actually get mad over it?hahahahha.
i don't need to worry or care no more because i know now,they may be your past but i'm your present and future.hehhehe.
with all the fights are all in search for the truth and to know what are ya thinking and now i know entirely everything and anything.

i love you baby!!you're more than anything.
i don't need no other man,i don't fear nobody,i don't call nobody but you;my one and only.
thanks for the action and words to show me how you feel towards me,i'm really touched over everything that you do for me.

LOVE MY BABY RAFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

2009-09-28T00:36:00.001+08:00

Fifth night!!! wooohooo!!

3 more days 2 more night

and that's the ending of my silent and lonely night.

Right about this timing yesterday,my night ain't so quiet ,

since its Saturday,i decide to stay awake longer.

Stay awake talking with Ayd! hahhh.That small ass.

The most hilarious part was,i was trying so hard to pretend my innocence

but unfortunately i failed!

He knew something that he shouldn't know.ahhahha.such a Kpo!

i can't stop laughing when he mention "botanical garden"

Suddenly that night at botanical garden came fresh in mind.

hahahhahha.only me baby and ayd knows about this.Super hilarious uh.

Next thing was,i wanted to write "ayd" but i type it "ayg"

hahhahha.SUKE SAK AYD! i'm sure he was smiling all the way uh.hahhaha

And he insisted to complain that to baby.

Super ass uh!! Like as if i call him that on purpose. Well ofcz he knows that i type wrongly but he continue to disturb me like NON-STOP!!

2009-09-27T19:38:00.001+08:00

i decided to change my blog song,as the rhythm of this song seem to match how i feel without my love.
and guess what,i just return from pr and now at gf's place Adel.
Rushing to blog about MY LOVE TEXTED ME!!!!

That feeling of joy arouse me giving me a complete enthusiasm
sadly Adel became my victim,since she was just my side so i started tapping hardly at her shoulder .hehhehe
And start shouting OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!heee.
i swear i didn't expect him to text me,when Chris friend handed me my phone.,i thought it was my friend but when i saw that screen blinking "babybabybaby" i started to react unglamly and in a quick time i open and read the text.heee

baby say"Hey2 b,hope ur doing fine.(missing text here:):);))well its freaking cold right nw n I'm missing u alot.I'll be back soon to see ya aites.bye-bye b,love you very very the much"

money is nothing to compared by him,so i replied.
he's my everything!!

i love my babyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!
i miss my babyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!
i want my babyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!
i need my babyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

2009-09-27T01:36:00.000+08:00

Due to my past,i had entirely killed everyone point of view of me;not serious in anything of everything,
especially the main thing that i'm actually referring right now is ,relationship.
Through bitter experience had taught me that arguing to prove them wrong would be useless.
The best thing,in fact the only thing,to do was to prove them wrong.
I'll show them all ,that i ain't what i am before.

Today is the forth night,another silent night.
i'm really wondering upon his condition there.hope he's doing fine and having lots of fun.

Well,jumping to the next topic.
The day today really went smoothly,i'm able to give my full but not entire concentration with Tricia,Candy& Pohrong.
Sp went back earlier.
In between studying we had lots of laughter going on to release some stress.
It's was a good method i thought to study hard and not getting stress with it.

2009-09-26T12:50:00.001+08:00

People may say this and that this and that.

But only i know every reason upon what i'm doing.

I know what i'm thinking.

I know what i really feel.

And i know what i really need and what i really want.

I'll NEVER lose someone i LIKE over someone i LOVE.

i know who i love

i know who i wanna spend my whole lifetime with

only i know,who is always in my mind and my heart

i know who will be there for me when i need someone to

i know who can make me smile & laugh

i know who i wanna give my heart to

and so on

Everything that i need is just right here by my side;rafee.

i remember explained myself on the first,second,third date ,

every word i say to express what i feel,is all true,I'll never take all those words back,

i mean it from the bottom of my heart,those words ain't just a words,

it's words that you can hold as it's a promise that i will love him till the end.

i don't wanna live without you.

i know i drive you crazy half of the time

but another half of the time i'm also trying to let you know that, what i really feel is true.

bottom line i wanna say,don't put words in my mouth,

don't assume stuff,

and don't try to add salt to the wound.

2009-09-26T02:29:00.005+08:00

Okay third night of not hearing from baby.
I couldn't take this pain,so i text ed him yesterday,not to sure whether he receive it or not.
At Least if he did read it,good laa,he will know that his beloved here is missing him so bad.hee.

Friday night beneath the stars,i spend my night at tawandan working,seperated by me & baby.
okay.
Today was something new at work.
Having to receive a secret note of apology seems so touching uh"first time" ever! never I've receive such things before,
that is so primary school,and that i call it childish but now i call it "sweet". hee.
I thought being petty was bad but i thought today being petty was good .hee.
went back home with a reddish face,due to the Wine.hahhaha.
Lucky mum was asleep or else she sure be so disappointed.

Okay last paragraph of the night,
-Can't sleep but i need to as there will be school tmr morning.
-missing baby as usual!
-i love my baby!
-tmr need to collect .....weeee
-Sunday need to go somewhere to get something.heee

goodnight!!
WITH MUCH LOVE YAYA

2009-09-25T11:22:00.000+08:00

Gonna cross another day at my calendar,it's the second day without baby.
6 more days left to go.
I tried asking my friends and family what should i do to make the time pass quickly and stop missing him this badly.
i receive kinda lots of different answer,and one of it i totally disagree was
=hanging out with other guys!!
oh hell no i not gonna do that.My time is over for that.
That is just being unfaithful,I'll never do that behind my baby.
No other guys can make me as happy as how baby could.
so no way~!!! hee

I decided to work today,firstly because i want the time to pass faster and secondly for the money.
I had enough asking from mummy,i got to be independent,which i have been for this year.
Seriously independent. i can actually count how much i ask from her.
I'm old enough.i don't rely on her no more.

oh yeah.
i didn't attend school today due to the poly talk:)

2009-09-24T23:50:00.000+08:00

it's already been more than 25 hours of not hearing my baby.
i can't stop myself from thinking of him every seconds,it's because he's already became part of my life.
i missing him so much and it hurts me.
but i know this sadness will flies away on the wings of time.

i'm craving to hear his voice!! his hug!! and his kisses!!
time seems to be ticking so slow like i expected days ago.

i wonder is baby asleep yet?
if not,what might he be doing?
lying down his bed? drinking ? talking and laughing with his mum and bro? roaming at streets of korea?
eating?eat what?
oh yeah i wonder what he ate this morning,this afternoon,dinner,supper?
all this questions just kept playing around in my mind.
This is not a playing game but this is a hurtful one because all my questions is all left unanswered.

yes,baby text me once he reaches korea,heee.that's very heart warming.
i syg syg syg syg you bbbbbb!!!!!
i rindu you bbbbbbbbbbb!!
i nak you bbbbbbb!!!!
i wanna hear your voice bbbbbbbbbbbb!!!

if just you can hear me screaming "Muhammad Rafee i miss you!!!" and if just i can hear a reply back "i miss you moreeee!!"
That's definetly the reply,no doubts,i know my baby well enough to predict what he gonna say.hehehhe.

hope baby is doing fine there.
p/s: there's only one guy,and that must be you and only you ,Yaya's Rafee.

2009-09-24T19:13:00.001+08:00

raya-raya 09!

FIRST DAY! So didn't wear the new kurung,wore last years ones fyi!

as every year for first day,we stay home,people will be visiting us as all my mum,dad and step mum are the olders among their families.so yeah.

2009-09-23T23:34:00.001+08:00

baby is already in the plane and i'm already missing him.
it feels so good to receive his call before he aboard the plane.
"b ,you must take care of yourself tau,
I'll be missing you,study hard,don't gatal gatal,
i love you alot and i love you more" just by him saying this ,makes me feels so good.
he can get even mushier than this but it's due to the environment and yeah~ ,
neh never mind,that's enough actually.

i'm kinda tired now but i can't sleep,
usually at this timing,i already receive a call from baby or laughing madness over his joke,lame joke,mushy stuff and etc,heehhehhe.or half way saying
me -"i love you"
his reply-"i love you MORE"
my reply-"NO! i love you MORE"
after conservative time,
"OKAY OKAY enough enough"
hahhahhaha.

haisss~ I WANT MY BABY!! well i gonna put my alarm at 5am,as baby will be reaching Korea by 5 or 6.As he says that he will text me once he reaches there.can't wait!!!! to hear from him again.

MY RAFEE, MY BABY, MY LOVE, MY HEART, MY SOUL

2009-09-22T22:04:00.001+08:00

bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb!! THANKS FOR THAT ADVANCE MONTHSARY GIFT!!
I LOVE IT BABY.
I promise me & you gonna wear it for many months and years,till we change to a new one which is ,hehehhe.you know you know.
i really can see that light shining over me brightly.

Today's date was soooo fun sooo amazing sooo sweet and sooo loving one.
And our kiss today felt soooo special than ever,
again i can feel butterflies in the stomach which i don't know why.hehhehe.
Oh hell yeah,The Ugly Truth ,THUMBS UP MAN!! rating out of 5 star i give 4.5 man!!
gosh,one of the guy,looks like my baby uh!! not lying!!
That guy got a freaking hot body but when i thought back my baby got that body too uh!!
That guy got a freaking charming looks which i feel my baby look a lil like him.
That guy got the brain so do my baby,
That guy is so sweet uh so do my baby,
hehehhehe how lucky i am right!damn!!!
SUPER LOVING MY LIFE UH!!!

With Great family ,Great good friends & Great sweet boyfriend had just transform my life from just a typical girl life into a sweet amazing joyful bright and cheery life.

b i already missing you baby.Have lots of fun in Korea aite baby,DON'T FORGET ME!! And
don't ever dare come back with a korean girl with you eh!!
omg b!! now i realised how important ,special and you're everything that i need,not the watch nor any other stuff.
i love you baby.
i'll shower you with all the love that i afford to give,and be by your side all the time.

terima kasih ya tuhan ku atas kebahagian yg enkau telah memberi ku dan juga mengenaliku dengan Rafee.
Rafee that dream guy of mine.

2009-09-21T22:40:00.003+08:00

THE FRONT ONE,that's my beloved baby.

Firstly,baby going off to Korea in 2 days for 8days!!

During this 8 days,i'm sure my night gonna be so lonely,so quiet,so different.

I gonna miss him real bad!!

I wonder how it gonna be like not hearing him for a day.

Even not hearing him for few hours,i feel so uneasy,

a day is worst.

But 8 days is a misery!

Secondly,tmr i gonna spend my whole day with baby before he leave.

Gonna treasure every seconds with him.

Because every seconds counts.

Lastly,me and baby had plan on something very sweet,romantic,cool and super healthy for our relationship and in other hand we can build our relationship into a whole new amazing world.

Like seriously!!

I can imagine ,we dancing in the club like that,fuyooooooooo!!!

And also he ain't longer need to worry of me dancing with other guy,

as i find no point at all.

I'm sure dancing with my boyfriend is much more "like omg fuyooooo bestnye followed with a wide smile" than dancing with other guys.

CAN'T WAIT!!

i wonder if you know how special you are,

i wonder if you know how precious you are,

i wonder if you know you have change my world into an wonderful place

i wonder if you know how lucky i am to have you in my life.

There is something about you baby,

maybe the way you smile,walk,laugh,breath

i don't know,something about you just make me go crazy over you

your thoughts bring me a moment of joy everytime.

remember this baby,you will always have me,

you will never lose me,

and i will always love you and only you.

P/s:from now to eternity